thhe ghurl next door

Exhausted

2012-01-09T00:12:00.001+08:00

Omg cnt believe it's alr 12am now. Been busy w my phone since I came back about 1hour++ ago. Was actually creating a new email and Facebook account for dad to use. Hope he gets the hang of it soon.. So yea.. He saw if for himself although he's still abit unsure but I guess he got it. Hope he doesn't make any rash decisions on still marrying her next year. I knw Im bait selfish but I'm doing what's best. I don't want dad and us to regret in the later future uh.. Hmm.. So anyway. It was a busy day at work today. George wasn't around and surprisingly it was awesome! I guess it's better without him. Lol. Need to go get some sleep after bathing. Working full shift again tml. Have plans on tues alr. Looking forward to it(: also hope that the hospitals reply my resume. Don't knw how long I can carry on w this job. I don't see myself going far w this.. It's been two years alr since I last worked here as a partimer. Seemed like ages. Will just miss some of my colleagues. Sigh.. Still unsure of my decisions.. Hope god can guide me through along th way uh.. Also, later in the afternoon at 3pm is the start date of application for higher nitec. Anxious. Lol. I'm just submitting the form but idk why I'm still feeling jitters now. Hahah. Shall not think too much . Gna take a sleeping pill and sleep till 9am before getting ready for work again. My life is ohsoboring~ everyday leaving home around 10pm and also coming back home around 10pm. Sians. Wish school will start faster. Lol ^^

OMG

2012-01-08T00:16:00.001+08:00

Tmls the results for O'level. Also the start day of application for higher Nitec. Gosh! I still hvent really made up my Mind yet. Banking in Bishan campus? Or Administration in CCK/Bishan campus? I need some advices! I hope I Wont make any wrong decisions. I love both and it's so hard to choose ): hope my GPA is good enough anyway. Cumulative is only 3.281 /: sigh~ will just accept whatever I'm offered. Just hoping for good news in two weeks time! Wish me luck guys!

So tired. Feets are hurting. Can't wait to end todays work and get some really good sleep! Yay! Got my new camera anw. So meaning I'll update my picture blog very occasionally too okay(: sorry for not updating over there! It's totally quiet around huh.. Stay tuned then =&

Freedom of speech~

2012-01-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

Shall be a quick post. Not feeling too good now. Ugh. Finally an off day! Just realized I've only worked for 4 days this week. But that four days seemed like forever! Hahah, glad it's over anw. One more last day to work till the end of the week. The first week of Jan was a total disaster. Hopefully it's gna turn brighter next week onwards! Been too emotional lately for some reasons but I'm trying my best. I hope people see what are the efforts I'm putting in.. I hate to be judged. Who does anyway? Does judging me make you life perfect? Hmm.. Get a lifee please. Today at Around 10am received a call from dad, the first thing he asked was weather i did what he told me to(which was so spy on rose through fb) . Got totally so pissed. Like hello! I only managed to slept at 3am last night. Today I can finally sleep long and u bloody woke up my sleep to ask me to spy on someone? What am I ? A bloody PI stalker? I'm sorry if I sounded to sarcastic . Was rather too grumpy. Ugh. I'm trying to understand your situation. I don't mind helping but not to this very extend! Your putting too much pressure on me. I feel pressurized. Stop expecting so much from me. All these is just adding more to my burdens. Sometimes I wish I was strong enough to have the courage to stab myself and end it all. Why try so hard when no kne notices? Sighs.. It's just a thought. Please don't think too much bout it okay(:

Then met Valerie at Plazasingapura at 1.15pm. Watched War Horse. Was abit boring but equally touching about friendship(: overall i guess I still enjoyed the show. So sentimental . Caught myself and Afew others wiping off our tears at the ending. Not to mention the horse, named Joey in the movie was such a beauty And the scenery was breathtaking! Whhooo! Do catch it in Cinemas! Looking forward to new upcoming movies! Don't care if I have to burn my wallet ;P but it shouldn't be a problem since I'm working )3

Will post again soon! (Y)

Betrayed trust.

2012-01-06T00:10:00.000+08:00

Kinda feeling left out and uneasy . Just I feeling. Hope I wont be bothered about it so much. I just wish to be happy, not having to bother about what people are going to say about me. Why do I feel like I'm always being judged? Can you guys cut me some slack? I deserve some recognition for the goodwork ive put in. I may have committed a mistake or two in the past but it's alr over. Why do u keep brining up the matter all the time? Stop pinpointing. Like as if I'm the only one at fault. So tired. Just can't wait to end work. Crowd was hectic, on top of that we spend 1.5hours of our unpaid breaktime to spring clean the whole shop. But what simply could I say? It's like everyones doing it.. Just glad that there was teamwork between ourselves. Abit irritated w the old man though. Acting like a know it all. Darn! I've Been working there ever since Feb2010 la okay going to be two years soon who the hell are you to tell me how to do my job? Go fly kite please. Your so much older than me. I treat you with utmost respect. This was the very least I expected from you. I just feel so disappointed w mum too that she's siding with a bloody third party instead of her own daughter. Am I really your daughter? Was I really in your womb for 10months? Sigh.. Mornings going right. When will things eventually turn for the better for me huh? I shall stop procrastinating and get some sleep nao! xx

First post of the year!

2012-01-04T16:38:00.003+08:00

first post of the new new year! sorry for the lateee post guys. been busy with work. also not using comp that often. mostly is by phone so it'll be abit slow till april kay? April then start school and i really cant wait for it. 5 months of no school is so boring. esp also working! this job is too time consuming . i cant take it. somemore, gayle was asking if she could pay me parttime rate till end of Feb as according to her, its very confusing since i told her for the CPF she can only put $50 as mummy is re-contracting the house blabla. first she said okay now shes saying its confusing? erm. im annoyed la but what to do sia. its break time now anw. using lourence laptop. came across something when i was searching for a website. omg. u knw what, theres such thing as erase history you knw! like omg please. hahah i cant stop laughing now . lol i wanted to send a few resumes but in the end i forgot to bring my flashdrive): so tml only then can do it. anw, school has started for pri and secondary . i miss school la! hmmm

Damn!

2011-12-29T00:02:00.000+08:00

Back for another posting. At workplace now. So tired. *yawns* so yea.. Nothing much to do now, having break and gna doze off soon. Haven't got my pay yet. Sigh.. Wen will I get? I'm the last one to get! And I hate waiting. I wna spendspendspend! Hmmph! Dad called anw, and he was cryin.. Couldn't really understand what he was saying.. I think he said his gf was having an affair w an old chinese man? Serious anot? Aiyah idk what to say! How to comfort him? Am I in any position? Alamak!

Depressed.

2011-12-26T13:21:00.001+08:00

I can't help but come here to vent my anger. It seems I'm about to go crazy soon. Hopefully by blogging, I'm able to calm down abit. Sigh.. Why am I even living this kind of pathetic life. What did I do man to be going through this everyday.. Why am I still alive and kicking? Fuck. If wanting to be happy is a fucking sin then someone kill me alr! This is too painful for me. Are you people really happy after doing this to me? Fuck your fucking life. I hope your conscience pricks u fucking badly. DadDadDad! Please get your house soon! I'm going insane just staying here. This people here are fucking bloodsuckers. Bloody hypocrites. Damn! I'm yearning so badly to move out. ): #2012 wish, dad to get his home. That's all! Nothing else will matter. Feels like I'm going through this alone. So hard to breathe in this atmosphere .. Kill me then. Someone just kill me.

Sigh..

2011-12-26T00:11:00.001+08:00

I'm controlling myself. telling myself it isn't worth dirtying my hands over tht fucking bastard child. As I'm writing this post, tears are falling . Im falling apart. And im here crying, that women must be fucking enjoying herself w her bf. I hate the both of you kay. I just hope and wish dad gets his house soon. Im so sick and tired. This place is so hypocritical . I cant endure this pain. Someone please fucking tell me what I should do to put a stop to all this. I'm so tired. I'm really trying to put off this hatred And let bygones be bygones. But is people letting me do that? Are they fucking giving me a chance and reason to fucking forgive them! They're making me hate them even more! It doesn't only count in one person alone to make all the effort. I'm so sick and tired of always being called the bad person. Who the fuck are people to call me a bad person when they don't know what actual fact is going on. Can someone really please fucking kill that bastard for me. I wished I could hire a hitman. I really want him dead and out of my life. Why the fuck is he always making my life so miserable? I fucking hate him. I swear and curse that u die a fucking terrible death. This years Christmas is the most fucked up day ever. I never ever want to remember this day. Is wanting to be happy in your own home so hard? I want to run away..

HOHOHO~

2011-12-25T01:38:00.001+08:00

Heylooooo! It's Christmas so I wna wish everyone a Merry Xmas yea!

Currently at cousin's isabel crib. It's alr 1.30am and I'm kinda tired alr. Even aft 2sticks. LoL. Dads gf is here, met her for the first time. Yea.. She pweety no doubt. But why am I starting to feel tht daddy is soon starting to separate from me? Hope that's not the case. I'm happy for him for finding a new life but somehow scared to lose him too.. Anyways , he's getting married on 2013. And I hope by then he'll be financially stable in everything. Hope to go over to the Philippines to witness this occasion. Not to mention tht I've never been there before too.. So yea, Glen an his new gf is here too. Also met her for the first time. She pweety too. But kinda quiet. Maybe cos we just met? Feeling some tension between us. Miss eliz! And oh btw, glens hair is so ... Ugly! So long like girls hair! Why oh why! Yuckkkk. Lol. K la, I'm gna go charge my phone abit first before I leave at 2am.. Left on 20%

Resultsss

2011-12-22T01:42:00.000+08:00

Hey there,

I'm so happy today, I think imma cry soon.. But just controlling my tears. And yez, it's tears of joy. Just got back my results. Been up almost all night and yea.. Finally. The long awaited results.. Got 3.705((: meaning 3A's 1B this term! Sadly because of my last term GPA which was only 2.8, my cumulative GPA also known as total GPA for my whole course is 3.281. Still, I'm really happy. I've worked hard for this and my efforts were paid off ((:

Worked only lunch shift today then met daddy and Travis at JurongPoint. Had some mini shopping followed by our dinner at burger king. Finally got hold of my Polaroid camera too! Mad happy. Kekeke<:

Painful! ):

2011-12-21T01:45:00.000+08:00

Ugh. I seriously hate the first day of the week of the month. Worst thing, it had to come when I just started work on a bright Wednesday morning.. Was so painful tht I was almost in tears. Couldn't take it so worked only halfday and went to see the doc at Queenstown Polyclinic. Asked her to give me medication to cure my insomnia too. Thankgoodness she did(: took taxi back home as th bus was super long. Wasted so much money unnecessarily ):

Bugisss

2011-12-20T01:49:00.000+08:00

It's my off day ! And I rushed over to far east plaza in the afternoon! Somehow got lost but managed to find my way. Then quickly took cab to meet Jermima at Bugis. The taxi driver was driving fucking slow. So bloody pissed off! Cos he purposely wnt the ERP way too! Nb! Then went to walkwalk and watched the 6.35 show of Alvin and the Chipmunks 3. Walkwalked after the movie and also took Neoprint TGT then parted ways. Waited for Yiyang,Xiuping and Therissa to come then took bus back home TGT. Long day. Was so tiring. But really worthwhile(:

171211

2011-12-17T16:12:00.001+08:00

Yo! Back for another posting. At workplace nao. It's breaktime till 5.30pm. Still got about an hour more to go before need to do opening again. Nothing much. Kinda tired. This week work 5.5days. Waiting for next off day which is on Tuesday .. Wahh it's alr th 17th.. Just 5 days more to release of results! Tension everywhere! HahHa. Hope it's goooood! So anw, saw my colleagues choosing number for 4d , then I also decided to play 2big. LolLol. 3012 and 1409 daddy's birthday and boyfriends birthday (: wish me luck kay! No high hopes , just wanted to try my luck that's all. Hehe. The telecast will be later at 6.30pm. Shhs. Dad will kill me if he knows I bought 4d. Hah, nothing much now. So shall do some online shopping to past time ^^

Sian..

2011-12-10T23:16:00.001+08:00

Sigh.. I thinking negatively again. Ohdamn! What's going on w me! Ugh. I guess I've kinda like decided to take up the fulltime course in ITE. I'm afraid if I were to takeup the part time course at night and work in the day, I won't be able to concentrate much. Also think that I've got many years of working once I grad from poly or uni or whatever. So I shouldn't rush myself too soon now. Yea.. Any comments or advices ? Formspring me! That's just about it.

Went to anchorpoint w mum and Travis today. Wnt to buy his christmas stuffs and blahh. Settled at KFC for lunch and rched back home around 6+ . it's alr 11.15pm and I've work tml. Not looking forward to it. Just hope this thing ends fast! End of march faster come lei! I wna start schooling in April. Working is too tiring! And furthermore this job is really too time consuming. Ugh. Just think about it makes me reply regret why I wnt back to Esarn Sia. Why did I?? So end of march please be damn quick! Xoxo

Kinda sleepy now.
God bless me and all the kind souls out there.

Lots of love,
Felicia ^^

Exhausted ttm..

2011-12-08T16:40:00.001+08:00

I know I've been neglecting my blog lately, I'm sorry.. Just that I've since started working and really busy. I'll try to post as and when I'm free alright!

Been feeling vexed recently.. Just keeping it to myself because i don't think anyone will even bother giving a damn. So ermm... That's just about it.. I miss him.. Those silly conversations we had, those nights where we stayed up late just talking to each other. I miss them, every single one of them. What happen to us? Why did we end up this way? Is there a way we can change it? I'm so disappointed tht things came out this way.. I thought it would have been better. Sigh.. Break time is ending soon. Shall not think too much and get ready soon. So tired! It's only thursday. Working 6 days this week end next week. Next off day is on tuesday! Some one save meeeeeeh . Uhhhh )):

BacktoWork^^

2011-12-01T16:52:00.001+08:00

Currently at work place right now. Having break. Next shift is at 5.30. Pffft. Another 5hours to go! So freaking tired. *yawns*. Work started out pretty fine, not that much customers during lunch. Nothing much. Before work, wnt to anchorpoint to buy hair dye. Will dye my hair again later at night once I get home. The color which I dyed ytd still kinda dark so today I bought another colour.. That's about it. Break is gna finish soon. Back to work! Heh. Brb~

Puss in Boots

2011-11-30T18:36:00.001+08:00

I'm back at home. Feeling all happy inside of me. Not to mention a lilbit annoyed. Will touch on that later. Rched school at 9am, met Jaslin at CO-OP as I bought redbull. Couldn't sleep at all last night. It was totally ridiculous. Kept tossing and turning. Ugh. I've insomnia, no doubt. Then wnt to matrix did our revision.. Awhile later, Jermima came in her mums car, then Regina then Anissa then Umaiirah then Shamini. Studied till 10.30 then wnt to indoor sports hall. Signed th attendance list then wnt in and exam started 10mins after. Okok uh, quite confident. But made a careless mistake. Ugh. I really elaborated alot. Hopefully they give me alot of marks. Haha. Then left the hall 30mins before the finish of paper. Shortly aft that, Jermima came out. Then we wnt to student service center to ask some stuff about the laptop thing. Yea thats why I'm pissed about. Ytd after calling me two time to remind me to come and collect the letter saying it's approved, the Jenifer person called the third time and said that I couldn't qualify ardy because I'm grad soon. Who the fuck was the one who told me to hurry and sed in my docs on November? Now she's giving me false hope? Nbcb. So bloody pissed. And the person in charge was telling me they have a new policy now and that is only people in their first year course can and must apply 1st-6months of their course. Then why the hell they do an IT fair again on august for? Nbcb. So bloody pissed off. All cock and bull story. Irritated Sia. Then aft me and Jer took MRT to TBP. Wnt to buy our movie tickets for Puss in Boots at 2.40pm show. Had our Lunch at 18chefs. Wtf. $11.14 cents -.- feel it was a waste of money/: nvm.. Ima cheese lover anw(: thn aft tht saw Mr Leong, ex EBS teacher. The sweetest teacher please! He's so jovial! ;D hehe. Had our lunch quickly then wnt up to watch the movie. Thanks Jer for bringing for me 2packets of the double decker bus cracker! Really sweet of you! :D ate cracker in the theatre. I swear aft the I felt like throwing up. Too bloody full. The movie was funny! ^^ hahah then aft coming out from the theatre , saw gayles msg. She asked me if I could work today. Sadly, it was quite rush for me so I said no. Walked Jermima to the MRT station then we parted ways. I swear I feel damn sad please ): will miss her too! Hope she can come to the class BBQ on Friday/: last gathering! And I also made an effort to take off on that day so as to be w em.. Like tht uh.. Then wnt to bus stop. Bus took so long to come. Was also raining heavily. Reached home, wnt to letter box. Finally got my jacket(: then wnt up. Yay! I'm finally able to use the Hair dye tht I bought on June in HongKong. It's on my hair right now. I'm going to wait till about 7.30 or 8pm before washing off. Hopefully the colour turns out good. Heeh. Bought the shampoo kind. Naise! First time trying it. Lol. Kayla. I'm going to watch my Taiwan drama now. Will post more tml(: starting work in the morning. It's gna be a longggg holiday. But its all gna be paid off w th money I'm gna get<:

Xoxo

Laziness

2011-11-29T09:29:00.001+08:00

Heyyyyyylo.It's bright and sunny 9.30am and I'm currently at home now. No exams today so needless to say, no school too. Just received a call from the student service center; my application for the laptop has been approved! :DD but I need to buy em before JAN so hopefully dads pay and Mine gets in fast!<: geez. I'm still tired as a matter of fact. Woke up by some noises when mum was getting ready for work. Alamakks. Played temple run and got a new high score too! *1200000++* I'm so bloody hyper now!! aiming for 2million by tonight! (Y). That's of course after I study for my BEO exam. Confident(; but shan't be too over confident as it might eventually lead to just disappointments . Hmm.. Going out w Jermima tml(: Puss in boots and 18chefs at TiongBahruPlaza. I'm so excited! Nothing much after that. Messaged gayle ytd asking for a pay increase. Of course since I'm going to work fulltime 5days a week I should be entitled to full time pay. She said she will discuss w me this thursday. Hope Shea not stingy w th cash(:

Shall go back to what I was doing before now.
Will update again tml once I'm back home ^^

Xoxo

POA exams

2011-11-28T20:01:00.001+08:00

In for a real quick posting! ;DD I'm so dead tired right now. Couldn't sleep well ytd. Mum's snores were horrendous. Couldn't blame her anw since she worked 7days this week. I don't understand, why u need so much money for? Money can never be enough~ same scenario for me too. Heeh. There's just so Many things I wna buy once I get my pay! From Laptop to camera to getting my driving license and also taking up Diploma in makeup artistry at Cosmoprof(that's just freelance kinda thing) heehh. starting work back this thurs. Haiyo. I really need to discuss w gayle about my pay. And working days too.. Sighs.. Will consider Again what I want to do once I get my exam results on December22 <:

Talking about exam, Just did my Principles of Office Admin exam today. Not as bad as I thought! Although I was stuck at a few questions. That was just the explaining part. Was able to list it so I guess I'll get some marks for that. I can after all, I still can score an A if not a B. But obviously an A will be so much better laaa. Heh. Was so annoyed, msged LLL about a question and she didn't bother replying! She saw our class this morning but didn't even bother to wish us luck at all! Is she really our teacher for that module? Ugh! I never ever wna see her again as my teacher man! Worst teacher in my 13 years of education? *Kay, around there . Haha. And sadly, my correction tape had to die on me in the middle of the exam. Geez! Hope my marks wont be deducted as I did quite afew cancelling/: and shortly after that, my handphone died on me too. Fugg. Wnt to Jurong point w Jaslin, ate at banquet. Damn bloody oily! Jesuscrist! Will never order there again! Then did my new bank book. Parted ways then since it was raining and I didn't bring umbrella, decided to take train over to tiong bahru and took bus 16 to GreatWorldCity. Exchanged my pants there. And guess what! It couldnt fit! FML! I gained weight within a month!! Ugh. So disappointed w myself ): then took bus back to tiong and changed to 63. Rched block, sent my pants for altering. Wanted to put the buttons in the front instead of the middle so I can wear w/o having to breath in deeply :B skipping dinner today. The food I ate just now iz just so fattening. For the sake of the guy of my dreams, I've to lose as much weight as possible within the fastest time! Planning to go for slimming acupuncture next year too! Heard the one at MarineParade is excellent! Wna go there try my luck(:

That's just about it. I'm really sleepy now. Dozing off while I'm typing this post on my phone. Saw Jermima's Samsung Galaxy S2. Nahh. I don't like it. Although it's exceptionally light, it's just too bulky for me. So I'm sticking w my original plans and that's either iphone4 or iphone4s . Shall bribe mum and ask her to sign me a new line. Hoho! (Y)

Goodnight earthlings,
There's no school tml so I can sleep longer. Next paper; Business Event Organization is on Wednesday. Last paper!!

Xoxo

Happy Birthday Acad! 

2011-11-27T00:07:00.001+08:00

Mehhh. Clock just strikes 12am a min ago. Final Exams are tomorrow! gosh. Cnt deny the fact that I really am feeling the tension right now. My future is at the brink. I swear I think I wasn't as this nervous when I did my N'levels last year. This module; Principles of office administration just freaks me out. Not to mention the teacher teaching this module is half-past-six. Instead of teaching properly she always complains and complains of how tired she is. And how the hell are we supposed to study when she goes through the answers from the worksheet but copying and pasting the answers on the visualizer? Ugh. How ironic. Self studying is much better. See! I got an A for BPF also taught by her! But I've to thank Jermima for that for going through the problem sums w me. I'm still so happy w the fact I got 89/100 for my Maths. I swear this is the first time I passed with flying colors :DD Kay uh. It shall be serious mugging time today. Currently waiting for my mask to dry before turning in. Gna be a long day ahead, studying! God, please give me the strength and motivation. Love you(: and I love my dad too. Bless all the kind hearted souls.

Ps; do cheek out my picture blog. Updated(:
xx

261111

2011-11-26T20:46:00.001+08:00

I cnt study. Haha. I really can't. And I shouldn't be laughing about it. I should be afraid. But idk. I don't really seemed bothered. I guess I was a lil scared. But idk, I just ain't putting that much effort into this. Whatever, cnt wait to get it done and over w it on Monday. I think I'm only able to get either a C, or a B if I'm lucky enough. Shouldn't hope for more. The more higher my expectations are, the more disappointments I have to end up facing. Let's face it, I only studied at about 6pm today and could only concentrate for less than an hour. What the fuck was I doing the rest of the time? I also don't know! Gosh. What's wrong w me! I'm totally clueless about the letter format but I ain't giving a damn! I'm just so annoyed and sleepy! And I keep refreshing the webpage for the Ojakgyo Brothers ep 33 recap translation .hope it's something good today. Would really love to know what's going on! Shall stop now and go check on it again. Mayne, I'm insane. Keep checking every few mins. Cheyyy~

ITE cliques

2011-11-25T00:25:00.000+08:00

It's the last day of school today. Decided to go to school early. In the end, still didn't benefit anything from LLL's lesson. So pissed off. Is she even interested in teaching us anot? Cnt believe she just copied and paste the answers on the screen and expected us to copy down the bloody long paragraph. That's called laziness! I suggest you quit your job as a teacher. Do everyone a favor please. The last day of studying before we conquer the exams yet you still so bochup. I feel so demotivated you know? Your class just bores me. Ugh. So let's skip that topic. Next class was fun(: Mr Ooi took over Mr Anthony's class and gave us many tips for Business event Organization. I love him can? His lessons are just so lively and engaging! Can understand 100%. after school, wnt to Jurong point tgt w Jaslin to get some shopping done. Got home, tried on and regretted not trying there. Need to go back on Monday for an exchange /:

Thinking about that, I'm gna miss some of my classmates. I can remember vividly, the first day I came into the class I didn't know anyone. Was kind of anti social. Then I became close w some people. Two out of three were self centered and thought money could buy friendship. Then, I grew close w even awesome people! They never fail to cheer me up and they're so nice! Although it's been a 1year course only and we got close aft some time, it was really worth it. I had many laughters. And good in studies friends, good lunch companions, going home buddy and etc. It feels like as if we came all for the same motive, to study. To ace. I'm so happy to have gotten to know you guys. Nafeesah(humble and kind),Germaine(over engrossed Chinese girl who likes Indian guys),Soochin(funny bubbly personality),Jermima(girl who always sleeps in class but always good in studies),Shamini(good listener),Regina(cute smart and enthusiastic),Jaslin(hardworking joker who is always bubbly). Gosh, will miss you guys really badly! Hope we won't lose contact even after we've graduated. You guys will always stay deep in my heart(:

Twitter

2011-11-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm just so self conscious at time. Always feeling so sensitive to every little thing, feeling so insecure all the time.. Sometimes I really wonder if I'm that strong as what I think I am. The more I think, the more burden is placed on me. Everything seems to be fine at one time and the next, it just drops to the ground. I'm worthless is it? You said you cared for me as a friend. Whose the one ignoring who now? Don't give me any more hopes alright. I'm so tired of giving in and putting up a happy front all the time. Let me think about myself now. Yes, myself. I rant, I vent. It's my twitter, my say. I don't understand also, if your not happy then u can just unfollow. Don't bloody act like as if u know me so well when u don't. It's so irritating to always be in such a situation when I'm condemned and talked about just because of what I write. Wait, u mean I have no rights to post whatever I want in my freaking account????

Heartbroken /:

2011-11-23T10:04:00.001+08:00

In school kaizen hall right now. Started at 9am. Saw Jermima aft alighted from the train. Took LRT tgt and then saw shamirah. Wnt to piazza to wait for Jaslin thn wnt up to the hall. Now they're having a drama skit. Watched it before alr. I'm so tired right now. Cnt wait to go for lunch too. Hungry. Lol.

And so yea, I stayed awake almost the whole day. Felt so heartbroken whenever I think of glen. How could she be so cruel and selfish. The more I think of it the more I feel hatred. Feel so sorry fr him. Cnt she give in and let him stay for a month or two? How can she be so coldhearted? Even whn dad said he is willing to pay rent and also he would be left in the streets . But she was like 'I don't care. You have the custody of him, u think of a way'. What the fuck. She just made a most horrible mistake. Karma uh. God is watching. Your conscience will prick to even on your last breath uh. Anw, I don't need you to tell me weather to leave this place or not. I will decide for myself. I don't need you. Even if you didn't say anything also I already made my decision . I'm going w dad. I can't stand staying with you. A bloody two sided snake. Bloody hypocrite . Don't come and talk to me la. I don't wna hear your bloody voice. It just makes ms sick. I hate you.

Cramps

2011-11-22T10:46:00.001+08:00

I still have feelings for you. And no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm better off without you, a part of me just won't let go.

Gahh. I'm at home. Having terrible cramps right now. On the verge of crying! Itz just so painful! Hate the first two days of the 'week of the month' . Thankgoodness it came early and not a few days later, at least it'll finish before my exams (: kk. So I didn't go to school today. At home now, tummy in such pain yet grumbling at the same time. Ugh. Yea. Feeling pathetic. Shall take a shower at 11am and go down to get porridge at around 12+ . taking panadols doesn't help to ease th pain, infact it makes me sleepy. I know! I wna sleep but I Just can't! Pekchek. Nothing much apart from that, my both arms are aching badly. Must have been the bowling ytd. The balls were so heavy to carry! The pain is worser on my right hand . Thank goodness I'm a left hander! That's just about it. My mind cnt think alr. Too painful. Bye!

BOWLING

2011-11-21T10:53:00.000+08:00

Yez. Today I was early for school(: waited for Shamini at the lrt station thn walked to school tgt. Reached class, did BEO mock test. Sigh, only score 83/100 not good at all okay. Should be doing better! Not really worried about BEO. Im just worried about POA /: so yea, during PE time, we actually wnt to matrix to eat lunch, then wnt over to the swimming area to take attendance. During break time, we booked a room in the library. Then aft that wnt to the school hotel to get the next year Part time education book. Walkwalk awhile thn wnt to the seating area at the stadium to wait for the bus. Once rched CSC, wnt to the bowling area and started at 3pm. It was fun! Around 4pm they had some snacks like sandwich nuggets etc, but like wtf. People took so damn many uh in the end we only had really little /: so inconsiderate man! Not to forget another class I think frm LTO was also there. Haish. Aft that, took bus 176 w Jermima. It was exceptionally fast man! In half an hour we were alr at westcoast! Alighted at Esarn busstop then bought dinner at the indian shop. Charge me so expensive! Wtf! Cheat my money only! Cb. Then took bus 51 back home. Rch home, eat dinner, study abit, bathe and sleeeep.

20112011

2011-11-20T09:33:00.001+08:00

It's already the 20th November. Sigh. 8 more days to exams. And 10 more days till I'm done w this course. Still feeling butterflies in my stomach. Mixed feelings right now. Didn't study at all yesterday, so I've to start studying like today. I don't want it to be too last min. Since I've to like go through the whole book which is 10 chapters each module. Like wtfffff. Dk if my brains can store so much stuffs anot. Gna have to juggle between both POA and BEO sadly. Hope my brain doesn't explode before I'm finally done w this shit. Hmm. That's just about it. Nothing much to say alr. Gna give daddy a goodmorning call and then go take my shower after which, go down to get porridge and beehoon(: oh, did I mention I used the mask yrs and it was totally awesome! Heheh(: finally my 30 masks came. Yay! :DD

Calmness

2011-11-19T19:37:00.001+08:00

If you can't handle me at my worst, then you obviously don't deserve me at my best.

This sentence keeps replaying on my mind. Yea, I'm feddup. You call this care? I thought you said you will be there for me always. So where the fck were you when I was completely down and out? Don't come and talk fairness to me. Ugh. I'm just so sick and tired of believing people's word easily. I always end up getting hurt in the end. People all seems to be coming in and out of my lives as and when they wish. I feel like everything's fading away from me ): I losing my closest ones.. Guess they got their new buddies and don't need me to begin w anymore alr.. I feel sad, ESP the fact when we were once so closed. And aft suddenly driving away from each other, there's these kind of emptiness feeling. Makes it hard for me to breath. But I guess I'll meet new people along the way, hopefully.

It's valeries wedding today. Sadly, I didn't go. Congratulations to her and we husband! (: cnt wait to see her on December! :DD hehe. So yea.. I guess, another part of me is also feeling a bit one kind.. I guess we would have been tgt if not for the fact that we're leaving in different country. Although Malaysia isn't that far! LolLol. I feel bonded and calm whenever I talk to you. Like, I haven't felt like that in ages! I think.. I'm falling!! But I'm afraid. That's why I'm holding back. Shall wait and see what the outcome it (:

Right now as I'm typing, some people next block is uhm playing? I think father and sons shouting like as if they own the whole place. Ugh. Irritating. Inconsiderate ppl! It's alr almost 8pm !! Geez! Dogs!

Mixed feelings

2011-11-18T20:23:00.001+08:00

At home now. Cried again. I mean, like what's new anyway? Forget it. I'm just looking forward to the day when I stay w dad. I wna know what's family is again. So, day started out perfectly fine. Woke up early, got ready early, left home early. Before that. Travis actually jumped out of his bed. I knew it I saw a cockroach crawling. Thought my eyes were playing a trick at me first. Lol. Hilarious much! I couldn't stop laughing my way down. His dog face was really epic! So yea.. Got into school before 8am. Wnt to class. Aft awhile, wnt to some student management dialogue session. Was total boring shit pls. Then they had some reception. Th food was quite nice! Afterwhich, we wnt to library to relax abit till 2.30pm. Wnt for the Standard Chartered Marathon volunteer briefing. Knn. 12am - 10am . Nuts or what?!?! Sat 3dec I working till 10pm Sia. Then need to rush home bathe all then rush to orchard at 12.15AM ??? -.- ugh. But I'm doing these for the cert, CIP points and also additional BEO marks. So yea.. Aft that walked to LRT w Shamini and Jaslin. Bought idly for dinner, came back home, same shit. This time was even worst. Thankgoodness I had my earpiece on still. He stood inside the room didn't wna go out. Wtf he want from me ah? Nbcb. Tolerance level really getting low uh! Lifeless bastard! So now is about 8.30pm. That women talked to me just only. Asking me if I'm going back Esarn. Someone must have told her. Dk which ***. tsk~ then asked stuffs like when will my exam results come out, am I planning to go higher nitec blabla. Why now only then u wna know so much for what? Last time whenever I talked to you about this you'll always ignore me. I seriously dk what's on your mind! But just forget it la okay. I'm sick and tired of all these. Spare me all these agonies! Enough is enough!

Presentation

2011-11-17T20:13:00.000+08:00

Woke up late. K, in fact relatively early. Cos I couldn't sleep. Felt really terrible. I just couldn't sleep for no rhyme of reason. Kept tossing and turning! Managed to close my eyes for awhile. But then my alarm clock had to suddenly ring. Offed it cos I remembered first lesson only PRJ and we're done w everything. So Jaslin mages around 9am asking me to come to school for presentation. I kinda felt bad lei.. I like was very sarcastic to her in th msg. Was very pekchek mah. The stupid teacher last minute then said need to do presentation tdy. So aft the I got ready, took train. Reached schl at 11am. Did my mock test for POA and then saw Shamini. Wtf. Almost cried please when I saw all the bruises at her legs, nose and everything. So pizzed. Ugh. Reminded me of my younger days when mum used to whack us w the belt too. Pfft. So aft that, we wnt to matrix to tabao food then wnt back to class. Did last min touchup for the slides then presented. Got 97.5 marks(: aft that went back home w Jermima as usual. Wnt to Pasamalam to get chestnuts then took train. Jer wnt to NUH to visit her brother. Bought prata for dinner thn wnt back home. Same old shit everyday. Fish, I'm just gna keep quiet. So darn tired entertaining these lifeless people. Knn.

16/11/11

2011-11-16T14:13:00.002+08:00

In LLL's class now. sighs. 4 hours of her crap lessons. so damn bloody boring. she keeps gg on and on and on about something. total grandmother stories man. Just put on my earplugs. so its settled. im starting work on 1st December at Esarn. will be there till about end of Feb or March.
at least i'll be able to know by then what i want to do in life, hopefully ehh..good things its daily pay. just hope its not gna be a decision im gna regret. hmm. On a brighter note, got 91/100 for maths (: k, idk why but i thought i could have done better. guess it was too much over confidence i had. so kinda disappointed although feeling abit pleased at the same time. thats all. nothing much really. ending at 5pm. wna go to pasamalam to get chestnuts for awhile but dk yet. cos i think Jermima will be rushing to NUH to visit her brother. he needa go operation to remove something at his tigh. hope nothing happens. god bless him alright! i shall go off now. dozing off alr... Zzz

graduating soon, feel so happy (:

Tuesday

2011-11-15T14:21:00.000+08:00

Had a great sleep today! heh. woke up early but ended up rching my 'early' timing for school. lol. nothing much. lessons were rather boring tdy. 4 hours of staring at our screens doing our own work, 2 hours of theory. thats just about it. come to school only for the sake of the attendance only sia. fuggedup. wnt to Pasamalam w Jer after school. bought Takoyaki, Roasted Chestnuts and also Goreng Pisang. and also did my phone screen protector. thats all. im so sleepy now. will post more soon ^^

xoxo

Vengeance.

2011-11-14T17:31:00.001+08:00

Welcome to th world where all th silent ones gets th bullets..

I'm vexed. I'm not gna deny that. I'm just so tired of always putting up a brave front. Th fact is, I'm not happy at all. Why is it so hard to live your life peacefully? I don't know what I've done to always be feeling this way. Sometimes I feel like just ending my life to solve everything. No one understands th pain I'm going through. They treat my fucking misery as a bloody joke! What?! Only when I really kill myself thats when u guys are gna regret? Hey, please. When I really cnt take my life anymore. I will and I mean I will bring th ones who hurt me really badly down to hell w me. My tolerance level is getting really low. I'm keeping quiet all the time. I swear I really feel like taking a knife and swinging it to your fucking cb face! I pray to god you'll die a fucking terrible death. You'll choke to your death or even get banged by a lorry. Don't ask me why I turned out this way. U fucking made me this way! I'm lost. I'm helpless. I'm all alone! I've got nothing to lose. Your fucking trouble. Your the person I Fucking hate th most in my life. Don't fucking come and talk to me about fairness. This world is full of shit. Why th fuck was I born in this family for. Someone just kill me please! Take my life away! This is a fucking nightmare. It's torture! I'll make everyone pay for making me feel this way. I want revenge. I won't live in peace till I see you suffer w my own eyes. Then I can finally leave w/o any regrets. That's how much hatred I have in my heart.. He's not leaving me alone! He's fucking making my life miserable! God are you blind? Why make me fucking face this shit all over and over again?! I want to be th one laughing in the end. I swear, I really do. I swear. I really swear. As long as your alive, I'll never be happy. I want you dead and out of my life.

To all th fuckers who this I'm crazy. Yes I'm crazy! I'm mad for revenge! Just stfu if u dk anything. Don't fucking assume! Come live my life for a day. You'll know exactly what I mean.

Knn.

Grown up.

2011-11-13T22:05:00.001+08:00

I'm 17, all grown up (almost) . I feel th sudden fear of anxiety nd tension right now. I hate to be in a position whereby I've to make big decisions which 'determines' th path I'm gna take towards th journey of my life. I'm just so afraid of making the wrong ones, th thought if it just scares me. I'm stucked. Suddenly my mind just goes blank. So many questions in my head. Where,how,when,why,what ????? Calming my nerves now. I've so many goals, idk where to start. I'm hate of disappointments. I hate failures . I hate myself for feeling this way even more. I don't want to feel this way really. I wish I could stop all these emotions.. It's getting th better of me. Perhaps I'm just exaggerating.. I want someone to tell me everything will be fine.. Hold my hand and walk beside me, give me his shoulder to cry, love me for who I am and cares for me. What if I lose someone who means so much to me? I cnt choose. I really cnt! I don't Wna lose you.. Please dont force me will you? ));

98411253

2011-11-12T22:59:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the 'late' posting. Kinda pissed off right now. Bought an item on may? And till now I've not get it. Like fuck only siah. I paid $50+ for it? She gave a partial refund first as she 'mention' she was 'scammed' and still owes me about $21.80. She bloody hell said she'll send me my items but didn't! And didn't even bother explaining it to me! I think she fucking changed number too! What the fuck is she?! A fucking 14year old girl! I cnt believed I let a fucking 14 year old minor scam my money! I'm making a police report. Hellyea. This is the first time I kena scammed. Feel so indignant ! Wished I knew how she looked.. If I see her outside I'll slap her fucking face. Everytime I asked her to meet up, always alot excuse. U yourself stay at cck u dk where cck ITE is? Fucking hilarious! U want it the hard way, then fine, i'll give u the hard way.

Fuckingbitch.
Suckonthat _|_

11/11/11 (Y)

2011-11-11T23:05:00.000+08:00

At home nao. Cnt believed I took taxi to my hse frm redhill mrt station. It was raining total cats and dogs. Wasted my $3.20 ugh. So yea. Tdy, BPF common test was awesome(: did well! Confident I'll pass w flying colors! Hehe because I cn remember everything. Lol. It just feels so gooood. So thankful insurance didn't cme out. Anticipating th results maybe next week or nextnext week! Yay! Nothing much aft that really. Bought thosai for dinner then watched shows from my iPhone.. Feel so sleepy now. Hard works all paid off(: left to conquer the group presentation, POA and last but not least BEO exams which is two weeks time. Meanwhile, I shall relax abit. Will continue studying when the date is nearer. I guess that's just my style, I cnt really study too early.. Nothing much really gets in my head. Heeh. Will post soon(:

xx

Broken.

2011-11-10T23:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, idk why I'm still alive. I swear, I really feel helpless. Like some pathetic lost soul. Wandering around not knowing what to do next, where to go etc. Often I ask myself, what and who am I actually living for? Why am I still around? What purpose am I living? Ive no strength, motivation. Just when I thought everything was getting better, no it didn't. It got even worst. And I'm left utterly speechless. Nothing, no words at all can describe how I'm feeling right now. Like my heart ripped into two. All that's left is hatred, vengeance. What's new now? She got that bastard a laptop. What's new again? He keeps coming in the room to boast. I'm alr trying to control! Why are you adding more salt to my wounds?! I msge my dad, telling him that I won't give up. I'll be brave. I'll prove everyone wrong. I told him his my only kin left, asking him not to give up on me. And my older brother msged me, encouraging words. Idk what to say right now, but it really brought me some comfort. I know he cares /: I must not lose hope now. I've a long way to go in life. God, please give me the strength and willpower to continue this journey. Give me th support and motivation, lend me a helping hand tml for my BPF commontest. I must do well. I will prove everyone wrong, In time to come!

Sweets

2011-11-09T09:45:00.001+08:00

In class nao. Time is just ticking so slowly! Ugh. Wnt to Schl w a heavy heart. Ended up, forgotten to take my allowance money from the table. Whatthfugg. Got to Schl and saw shamini's face. Sadly, tdy is th only day her dad is sending her to Schl. The next time she'll be coming is for exams/commontest. K. What's new again? I'm so bored right now. Stomah is grumbling alr. Hahhhhz. Waiting for lunch which is at 12pm. Faster please! Alright, I shall go do some BPF revision now. Ended up dozing off ytd. Hehe^^

ILoveEveryone(:

Just friends..

2011-11-08T18:59:00.001+08:00

Woke up so early for school but it ended up raining so I waited for it to stop, only left home almost at 11am. When Got in school, BEO lesson was alr dismissed so I wnt to the cafeteria and booked seat for me and my friends.. Had th usual. During lesson time, did the service learning journey booklet for myself and shamini's one too. Then aft that help printed out some of her photos for the scrap book. I guess her parents aren't sending her to Schl anymore. Feel sad okay! Hope they are not so unreasonable.. Only left less than one month to exams then graduate alr. Really hope she comes back soon. Saw the letter so wrote to me, almost cried. /:

Another thing is just bothering me..
There's this guy that I know.. Being ultra nice to me, say totally sweet stuffs that makes me go 'Awwww! I don't know if my guesses is right, I feel that he's hinting on me. What am I to do? I hope I'm wrong.. We are both far apart from each other. I've known you for a long time but all I've hve is only good friends kind of feelings. I don't want to lose a friend like you. I Wna make it clear to you.. But I'm scared.. What if it's just me thinking this way? I know it will make us both awkward. I'm stil thinking if I should. Ugh. Idk uh! My minds in a whirl. Don't Wna think alr! I just got back home from school awhile ago. Goin to eat dinner now before revising abit for BPF common test on Friday then I shall sleep early. Didn't sleep well last night. WHATTHFUGG.

cheers,

Mon

2011-11-07T16:21:00.000+08:00

Yo! Back for a short posting. Actually watching a mainland drama called Let's go watch Meteor shower. It's kinda the Taiwan version of meteor rain, Korean version of boys over flowers and Japanese version of Hana yori dango. I've watched every one of them! Never get tired of watching it over and over again! So emotional and funny at the same time! Ahhh. I wonder how my love story is gna be like. Hah. Redid my cutex too cos when I woke up tdy it was screwed. Ugh. Hopefully it'll not be th same tml. *crossfingers*. Stayed at home all day tdy too. Plans last min canceled. So no choice. Nothing much. Just feeling vexed and pizzed off by the fact that ... Ugh! I don't knw why I agreed to do that! I should have learnt aft helping SWL lie to her parents. I cnt believe I helped someone again! Wtf! Someone kill me pls! Her parents must be officially hating me alr Sia. I'm damn upset by the fact. And also even pissed off because there's no word from you. Not even a sorry or thankyou. Yea. Is this what I get from helping a friend? Thanks for the situation u put me through. Fuggman, not gna think about it anymore. There's Schl tml at 10am. Need to be in school. It's alr 8pm. Shall sleep around 10+ . see my babies tml! :DD

SleepySunday -_-

2011-11-06T15:18:00.000+08:00

Hello guys,
Currently at home. Lazing my time around. Just put on cutex. waiting for it to dry. Nothing much. Didn't study ytd/: ended up sleeping through. Gosh. So I'm going to do some real work now. Like some hardcore revision till maybe about 7pm then have my dinner and well, continue again if I've got the motivation. Need to writewrite and write alot of stuffs. Gosh, hand is gna be numb. So yea. Hopefully tml we're still going Jer's house to study. That's just about it uh. Will post again tml.

Goodday everyone^^

Heyyy!

2011-11-05T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hey all! Clocked just striked 12pm awhile ago. Just got out of th shower. Currently waiting for my hair to dry before gg down to get lunch. Hopefully by 1.30pm since the porridge shop closes arnd that time. Geez. Feels like my throat pain is coming back. So I'm like drinking lots and lots of water. It must have been the spring chix I ate ytd! Yikes! Hhah. And so, achievement ytd. I studied from the afternoon all the way till around 9+ ytd. Only stopped when my vision got blur and eyes were semi-closed. Yay! So proud of myself! ;D will be revising after Lunch later(: hoho. Nothing much eh.. Still waiting for the person to call me. Hope Im one one of th few who gets shortlisted. K, my stomach is grumbling alr. Whatthe. It's because I skipped diner ytd. Felt that the spring chix was too fattening that's why. So, I wonder if that makes any difference? Hmmm. K. I'm pretty much bored. Shall go and blow dry my hair then. Oh, did I mention i smell ohsogreat now? Heeh. Ilike<3

xx

TGIF

2011-11-04T21:23:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone<: TGIF!! Yay! Th day is going by so fast! Seriously, I cnt help but feel happy and flustered at the same time. Like ohmygosh. I should really use the time at home wisely. It's a really cool Friday morning now. Woke up to some noises. Bleargh. Nothing much. Going to start revision on BPF soon. Sadly, I've to wait till Tues then I can get back my calculator. So I won't be able to revise my problem sums at home that means. Nvm, it's alright. I shall just revise the MCQ questions. So much to remember I swear! Argh! Hope everything can get stucked in my like soon! Very soon'! Haha. Cnt believe I'm graduating for my NITEC course in less than a month. Gosh. Sadly to say, im still considering if I Wna take full time Higher NITEC or night classes for that. Other choices would definitely be private. Still considering! Let's see if I get shortlisted for the clerk job first. At least then I'll know what I want. If I really like that job then taking night classes would be great. That's it. I feel good today(: hopefully things stay this way.

Have a good day everyone! (:

Yay!

2011-11-03T21:13:00.001+08:00

Wahh. I forgot to blog while I was in Schl tdy. Was really caught up w certain stuffs.. So yea, I'm blogging through iPhone again. Today was fun! :D day started out great! Set my alarm earlier to go Schl, printed out my resumes for th job fair and stuffs. Thn for BPF I did th paper. Gosh. I cnt believe it. I think im starting to understand. I just need a bit more time to remember everything again. So yea.. Had a pretty much lunch lunchbreak. Then assembled at th swimming pool area to wait. Boarded th bus and within 1/2 hour we were alr at CE. The career fair was abit much of a disappointment .. Wasn't really many I liked. Only signed up for one . Which Is a patient associate clerk. Hope they call me :D it's at SGH. And thn met up w Cassandra . Talked for awhile then she left. Awwww secondary school days! :D aft tht we left to take bus to TanahMerah mrt . Nothing much aft I got home, reached back almost 5pm. Bought kiwi and guava back then ended up throwing some away because couldn't finish.. After that just lazed around till about 8pm I wnt down to get dinner. Was eating the spring chic while watching Johnny English . Hehe so funneh! ^^ right now it's alr 9+ . feeling sleepy but I'm gna wait till th food digested then get to sleep. There's no Schl tml . All ITE campus is declared holiday ! Yessa! It's gna be a long weekend, will only be back in Schl on Tues since Monday also is a public holiday. Planning to go to Jermima house to do group study.

Ayah hand very pain alr. Shall go off now.

Will post more soon ! (Y)

Demoralized.

2011-11-02T09:31:00.004+08:00

In class right now. doing nothing. urgh. guess what? I got a debarment form. Just because my Fucking PE attendance is 70% . WTH. just wrote an appeal letter. so frustrated you knw. im like making some fucking effort here. arnt i trying to make things right? oh perhaps it isnt good enough! man~! i shall just tolarate this shit since its just less than a month left till i graduate. geez. means tml i must come for the Career fair lo. now my attendance alr like that /; gosh. seriously speaking i feel very demoralized you knw. i did self revision for BEO ytd till night time. my whole back was freaking aching. just hope all the hard work gets paid off. i should continue to do this thing. its just a matter of time before time wil just prove everything. god, please guide me.

ILoveYou(Y)

爱是什么？

2011-11-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

如果你不打算喜欢上我，那么请不要对我太好。因为我很害怕，我会误解你的好意。我害怕受到伤害。每次是这样的！我真的累了。真的太累了。我只想有一个人可以爱我，关心我，对我很好。就那么难吗？或者是因为我不够好？我这样想是错吗？我想感受到什么是爱多一次。已经这么久了。我想挣脱！

Senseless.

2011-10-31T20:01:00.017+08:00

I'm currently in Schl right now wasting my time away! First lesson is Business Event Organization then it's lifeskills. Doing our service learning journey presentation today. Then it's gna be PE. Its Swimming, but seriously nah I'm skipping it again. Dont Wna get tanned. Also gna do some confrontation in awhile. We're just waiting for the right time. Controlling. We wanted to talk the easy way out, but you made it difficult for us. So yea, fine. U want it dirty, we'll do it dirty. Freaking pekchek w this person. First time seeing someone like her. Idiotic bimbo. Bitch any further and I'm gna stuff carrot in your mouth. Hope to go back home aft PE. Kinda feeling restless. Thanks to the medicine, I'm feeling drowsy and able to sleep better. It's gna be another boring day I guess. Will update more when I get th time yaw!

Meanwhile, beep me ^^
I'm boredddddd~

xx

Unreasonable.

2011-10-30T17:03:00.003+08:00

I'm back and here for another posting! Guess what! My throat has got so much better alr! Just that I'm still coughing continuously. But of course that's way better than having to bear w th pain my throat was giving me. Heeh. I slept the whole day tdy and only woke up 1+? Gosh. Im such a pig, no doubt. Ytd was also the same thing. I slept till 5pm? Then met joycelyn for dinner at tiong bahru plaza. Ate at thai express. Not bad ^^ . I'm like so bloated now aft eating all those idly. I don't think I can eat anymore. Gosh, wasted money. Because I also actually bought mixed rice. But I just left it in the living room. It's alright. Since I cnt eat em. Lol! I'm feeling tired again. Idk what's wrong w me. I just love to sleep these past few days. Getting so pretty much lazier and lazier. Just remembered that last week I only wnt to school for just 1 day!! Gosh. I should really buck up on my attendance. I'm just left w approxy 1month to go. And that's just about it.

So, I remember that I said I was gna mention tht bitch. Please correct me if I'm wrong , yea?

Had nothing to say about her actually. Was just rather pissed off she kept complaining on twitter about so freaking Much stuffs. Even to the damn expense of using vulgarities on us. Like wtf? Why u make it sound like as if we bullied you or something? What the fuck are you trying to prove Sia? Search your bloody conscience and ask yourself what you did. If u don't knw, then jolly well ask. Don't fucking hell jump into conclusions. The only fucking thing you did was the feedback form and you exaggerated like as if that's a fucking big deal. Oh is it? Where the fuck were you when we were discussing about the event? U didn't even bother to brainstorm w us. Where were you when we stayed at Jer's house till 9+ pm to do the invitation card aft school? Where were you when we stayed in shamini's hse till 9+ too to do the cookies and buy some stuffs for the event? And, yea. Not forgetting the event, where the fuck were you when we were busy preparing/cooking? Did u forget u were one of the last of us to arrive? And best part, u fucking left early without telling us anything. When we tried calling, u keep ending the call. So what? We did the fuck preparing and also the clearing up without you.we did so much stuffs and didnt complain so much but you, the person who Did th fucking least had so much to complain. Saying we scam your money blabla. Wtf? The amount your paying, we are also paying too you know? Are you acting stupid now? Even the 25pieces of feedback form we asked you to print also got problem. ur brain got something wrong uh? If u not happy u should hve jolly well left our group from the start why carry on and put such pitiful idiotic faces. Only dampens the mood man. You seriously need to jolly well reflect on yourself. Ur attitude and mindset needs to change. What's the point of having a beautiful face but your personality sucks. Think. That's what your brains are for. Anw, u can't ignore us forever. Will talk to you face to face tml. If u not happy, say it to our face. Unreasonable.

WITCH

2011-10-29T00:04:00.003+08:00

It's your birthday today. Yes, I remembered. I didn't forget.
But, it doesn't matter anymore. Or at least to me it doesn't. I'm not going to wish you. What for? I'm not willing to put this hatred down, wouldn't it be just too easy for you if I did? Why should I give in and make myself look so bloody pathetic when you don't even give a fucking damn? Why bother? Frankly speaking, originally I wanted to Make this day a special day. But that was three weeks ago. I've just all the interest in ur bullshits. You just make me rather sick now. U want sympathy so much? Fine then, get sympathy. People should see for their own eyes what's fucking happening and not just hearing it through their ears. Full of crap shit only.forget it uh. Time will just prove everything in due course. Let it be now. Anyway no matter what I say or do also I'm always the bad one! Your always the innocent pitiful one! Pui! Your getting older, not any younger alr. Why cnt you just stop acting so #%>£^¥? I just feel so disgusted. Don't expect me to respect you , because by th way your treating me right now. I'm hating you more. So much more.

Poolside party at Westbay Resort Condo

2011-10-28T23:41:00.002+08:00

Back to posting. It's alr 11.30pm . Got back awhile ago. Just came out of the shower and took medi. Feeling drowsy alr. My throat still isn't getting any better! And it's even worst now! I don't understand! Haven't I been drinking so many water and taking my medicine reg? Man! I took a whole packet of strepsils w me and ate 4 today! It just hurts so much! Like, whenever you swallow something. Even when your swallowing your own sliver! It's like a glass feeling in your throat. There's just so much pain. I really can't take it): saw a doc ytd. He gave me the medicine like no use lei! What the fuck am I to do now! So scared. Really very scared. I'm just so freaking exhausted aft a long day. Was out since 9.30am? Wnt over to shaminis plc. Then to BPP to get chix and some other cooking stuffs. Then we did the sandwiches ham and chix + the chix curry that shamini's mum did. Aft that, we took a cab down to jer's crib and the party just began like that! Wasn't really in a party mood. Partly is because my throat was being such a bitch, others was because of tht bitch. Ugh. I'll post more about her tml. So pekchek Sia. Im not exaggerating uh. But she really wnt overboard. Had about 3 bottles of breezer too. Then left there around 9.15. Waited for bloody bus then wnt to somewhere first before heading home. Really tired. Going to sleep. I just need sleep. Now.

Goodnight world,
May god bless all th kind souls out there <;

xoxo,
Me

(Y)

2011-10-27T23:48:00.002+08:00

Hi world,

I'm so dead tired right now. Lol. Woke up early and wnt to see the doc early in th mrning. As th usual, needed to wait -.- so my turn was like aft about an hour. Thn he kinda scolded me. Saying why I came to see the doc only now when I was having sickness since last Friday. Haha. Then took medi, was alr raining. So I decided to go to AnchorPoint in tshirts and shorts to get some stuffs. Bought 3polo tshirt from Giordano the. A hair cream at watsons. W/o th lotion my hair seems really very dry! Like omg! Thn took bus home. Quickly hanged my clothes and got ready. Left home to take mrt till shamini's house. Aft awhile jaslin, regina and soo chin met up w us the we walked to Fajar lrt station to get some items. Wnt back to her house to bake the cookies then did henna. And at around 9+ left. Took mrt till redhill and rched home only 10+ so damn exhausted. Didn't get any good sleep ytd. Hopefully, w the help of the medicine I'll be able to sleep well.

Shall go to sleep now. It's gona be a long day tml. Finally the event ! Geez. I'm just still so pissed off w someone's tweet. Will write about it soon! Provided if I feel like it :P

Anw, Happy Birthday Diyanah! (Y)

Happy Diwali!

2011-10-26T14:24:00.002+08:00

Ohmygawd.

It's alr almost 2.30pm! And I've no news of anything. Dad must still be sleeping. How can I have the heart to wake him up? Aft all he worked 24 hours and only left workplace around 8+ today. Geez. In that case he should be off today! But he isn't! He's working later at 8pm . Like wtf? Why u keep torturing yourself? Going grandma's house in awhile. Just took off my tomato mask. Really has effects eh! Haha I feel my face more brighter! So I bought another 30 on Gmarket for only $14.70 which is inclusive of postage lei! Hehe. Waiting for it's arrival(: also bought another USB cable for my phone. I have a purple one but that's for home use. So bought a hot pink one. Like so nice only! :DD it's gna rain any moment. Great?! I did my nails in the morning but I'm afraid of resting Sia. Because I think it's not overall dried up yet. Shall be careful. Really love this colour. It's so awesome! Hehe. Haven't eaten anything yet. Am gona tahan till I'm at granny's house then eat lunch and dinner one shot. K la. Id better get going now. Cos of the medi I took I feel rather drowsy. Hmm.. Throat still the same situation. Keep drink and drinking water but Ira not helping. Wtf. Was anticipating all the kuehs and murukus man! Now I've to cut down on them later! So pizzed.

Happy Diwali to all my Hindu friends yea? ^^
next is Christmas! Hellyea! Looking forward to it ;DD

XX

Tuesday!

2011-10-25T20:35:00.001+08:00

Using phone to blog right now! So lazy to go to the living room and use th comp. Also don't Wna go out and see the mother and son's face. Make me hen pekchek. Haven't watched tv for almost 3weeks alr? Fuckcare. I aint giving in. Why the Fcuk should I when I didn't do anything wrong. Chibx. Ugh, sadcase my laptop spoilt. Or else would be using it in My room. Will get a new one when I start working again. Which is soon ^^ . Good thing there's still my iPhone so I ain't so bored. Hmm. Going to change to the new iPhone 4s soon alr. Just waiting for the right time. Right now, I'm really feeling hen xinku. Throat really pain. I keep drinking many many water but like don't seem to work lei. Didn't go to school tdy. Nothing to do so might as well skip it. My voice sounds like a horse anw. Whatthefugg. Anw, going to be really busy from tml onwards alr. Need to prepare for the poolside party which is on Friday. Kinda excited! Tml will also be going to grandma's house and my childhood friends house for diwali. Yay! Next is christmas! I sooo cnt wait! :DD that's just about it. Dads working 24 hours tdy. I think he's gone mad ): I can understand if your helping your friend to take over him. But 24hours is no fucking joke!! Somemore tml also you still working! Like wtf? I'm so damn worried uh! /: god, please bless and protect daddy.

Goodnight y'all.
Xoxo

Drained.

2011-10-24T21:11:00.001+08:00

Okay. I'm kinda annoyed right now. At home, just got back. PRJ presentation was surprisingly alright. I'm so happy at least one project is like finally over. Truthfully speaking, at first I thought I would flop because of my throat and my voice but I managed to pull through even though my voice sounded like shit. Gahaha. I love my partner Regina. What could I do without you? I'm sorry if I was ever a bad groupmember. So yea, aft waiting for jaslin's group to present finish,me Regina, Jaslin and ying fang took bus to Lot1. Wnt to get my screen protector done. Paid $12 )): I could have easily bought 5 protectors online for only $2++ but I really suck and doing it): I totally destroyed everything so no choice. Haha. Aft that wnt to cotton on for awhile, then to comics connection followed by minitoon. Had my dinner at KFC. Thanks Regina and Jaslin for peiing me eat :DD then took train home tgt w Jaslin. Reached home, I got a few chat notifications. This is the most pekchek part I was talking about. This guy keep asking me to meet him. Wtf? I don't need people whom I just met. ESP on an online chat! I'm not crazy! So put off. He kept calling me dear. Got irritated and asked him why he kept calling me that. Then I told him I don't feel comfortable at all w u calling me dear ESP since your no one. And he was ok Im sorry. I just really like you a lot that's why. So I told him that I only see him as a friend and that me and him can NEVER be together. I told him not to get the wrong idea and even said sorry if I'm too direct. Fml. I should have shoot him more Sia. Who th fuck he thinks he is. A fucking 30yo India guy who came to Singapore 5 years ago to work. When he first talked to me online I didn't even bother reply but aft he started saying please talk to me I gave in and was nice enough to talk to him. And this is what I get? I cnt imagine kissing a 30+yo guy! Your almost twice my age man! My daddy is only turning 42 this December and he looks so much younger than you! And I dont like Indians. So what possibility that I'll even go one w an india guy? I got to be nuts if that was the case. I wouldn't mind if you were a caucasian, Korean, Japanese, taiwanese, chinese, thai or whatever. Not that I'm bring racist or I'm stereo typing. I thought you were mature enough to understand simple English. But was put off w your reply. -'Okay whatever'. Whatever? Alright. I'm gna block you right now. Whatever to you. Let me play the mean person this time round too.

Lying down on bed right now. Eyes almost half closing. Keep meeting some immature guys lately. It's really funny how one could act this way to a girl. Not Gna think about it alr. Going to sleep now(: not going to school tml since lesson is only from 10-3 with 1hour+ lunch break and also cos priya's group is doing their BEO project event tml . Something amazing race. Wtf. I cnt be bothered to participate. Still needa be PE attire and uniform too. Like damn mafan. So I'm skipping it. Alr plan w my girls - Regina,Jaslin,Shamini,Jermima and myself. All also not going Schl. Muhahaah <3 love them <3

goodnight world(Y)
God bless those taking their O's this week <3

Lifeless.

2011-10-24T10:37:00.005+08:00

In class right now. still feeling terrible. my throat hurts . i just feel so weak. Fever has gone down but the pain is still there. Wanted to go down to the polyclinic but i guessed that it will be too rushing so i didnt. Waiting for our turn to do the Lifeskills presentation. then aft that going for lunch. and prepare for PRJ presentation. hope to get done and over with it fast so aft that can go home and just go to sleep again. My ears are clogged and i still feel damn cold. WOMINGHENKU! )):

Finally got a change to watch the last two episodes of AI. Feel damn sad that it has ended. 780+ episodes. i guess, it made me reflect on myself alot. People find it too draggy but to me it is really a drama that potrays alot of meaning. Ojakgyo brothers too! my new favourite drama (: but sadly it only airs out in korea every Sat and Sun. eo ive to wait till next week . lol. thats just about it. im going to continue with my SOT powerpoint presentation now. Last thing to do (:

Sick

2011-10-23T10:08:00.000+08:00

I feel awefully terrible. i rarely fall very sick so when i do, it feels like the world is coming to an end. Was all alone by myself. didnt have any energy to do anything. Even getting myself out of bed to the toilet was a real chore. first my tempreture was only 37.6 but after two hours+ i took em again and it was 38.8 . At that point of time i really felt like dying. Really wished that there was someone there by my side looking after me. But, i was left all alone. this feeling really sucks. I cried to myself helplessly asking myself why i ended up in this state. It was a torture, i really hope that i dont have to go through this again. its just too much to handle. ):

HURT.

2011-10-22T11:20:00.001+08:00

I don't Wna be stucked at home today. Since that bitxh is also off and that dog is at home. I'm always locked up in the room. What for go out? Being treated as transparent and seeing that bitxh showing favoritism. Ive always been the bad one in your eyes, haven't I? Hve you ever cared about my feelings? What your doing is making me hate you more and more, do u know that? Feel like as if I've been robbed away from my happiness. Nothing seems right anymore. But, Whatever. Because I figured out the harsh truth apart from everything. I've to survive . I've the face reality. Thats why I want to strive. I don't want to give up anymore. Because it's going to be too easy for them if I were to just give up. I want the people who hurt me badly to pay for all the hurt they've caused, the pain I've suffered and the tears I shed. I want them to know how it feels to be stabbed in the back by the people whom they trusted the most. That's just about it. My life is filled with hatred and revenge. What to do, this is a dog eat dog world. You've only got to rely on yourself. Trust no bitch, fear no evil.

Dreaming Big 

2011-10-22T10:13:00.000+08:00

Dressing up.
Why do I love dressing up so much? I feel that it's because it brings out the much cuter side of me. Fashion is pretty much of a self expression. Everyone deserves to be beautiful, inside out. It just brings out the best in them. I just dont like blending in. I dont like being the 'Plain Jane'. I love standing out.It gives me the confidence and poise. I'm really glad I made changes to myself. Before, i used to think that dressing up was only for slim girls. Then what about people like me? But things have changed. Because I realized that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. It's how you look at yourself that's more important. Like come on, we're only young once. We don't have to change our looks or whatsoever just because someone doesn't like them. We should be loved for who we are and not for who we're not. We live for ourselves right?And I would really really really love to get the Baby-G watch! Cute clothes and accessories are a great conversation starter! I've never had a watch above $10 before. *I'm serious!* lol. It's going to be a good start if I have that watch! JUST LIKE A MATCHMADE in heaven <3<3

Unglam.

2011-10-21T20:58:00.001+08:00

I seriously cnt stand guys who are the totally bochup kinds uh. Like what the hell seriously? Been meeting a few funny people recently (other than the decent ones I found) . The first thing that comes out from their mouth is if I'm open minded, asking me if I'm the good kind of girl or the bad one. Why does it got to do with you ? Another one also ask if I'm still a virgin and if I Wna make out with him. Feel so offended Sia! Wtf? Am I a whore to you? I don't go around sleeping with guys I don't know. Who the fuck u take me for? You craving for sex so much then go geylang! I'm a girl! Have some respect and decency! How would u take it if a guy asked your sister like this? If you find yourself not able to control then cut off your dick sua! Another one also got ask if I could cook well. Like wtf? You finding for wife here or something? Another one told me that to him sex is like food. Lmao. Why the fuck tell me for! I dont give a damn! So disgusting! Im only 17 for gods sake! Ugh. BLOCKED, BLOCKED and BLOCKED! Cnt stand people like that. So diulian Sia! Bth. Wheres your mannerism? Your brains put at where? Don't let me see you outside. I'll make you no fatherday then you knw. Tsk.

FrightFest @Singapore Flyer 2011

2011-10-21T17:23:00.001+08:00

Back for another awesome posting, as promised. Was given a pair of tickets to Frightfest @the Singapore Flyer in courtesy of OMY(: YAY! Thankyou! :DD

Rushed back home after school to prepare then met up with Joycelyn for dinner at TBP. Took a train over to Promenade circle line and walked our way to the venue. Made two new friends in the toilet even before the event! Couldn't help it, They were too cute with their bunny and cat costumes that I had to take a picture of them! Heheh. then went to register ourselves at the guest lounge blabla. 有一个channel8的明星也是在那边。他很帅lei!  so anw back to the topic, Here comes the most interesting part. When it was our turn to go into the rainforest thingy. It was alr dark. My hand was trembling like mad while carefully trying to take pictures and not dropping joycelyns camera on the floor. Thankfully the whole trip didnt last too long! My voice was so super stiff from all the screaming already. And so, just when we thought was over. It wasnt. We had a ride on the Singapore flyer too. So afraid of heights! Although It wasn't really as scary as the previous time I went since this time it's at night. But seriously speaking, the view was awesome! So beautiful. There were so many lights everywhere! One word- splendid! Then aft that, we were given a special non alcoholic Halloween brew. So nice! Very fruity! Then they had the prize presentation afterwhich, each of us received our very own Singapore flyer photo too! I really enjoyed myself. Such a happening night. Couldn't have asked for more.

For those who are interested , you can purchase your tickets anytime now! It's only going at $25/pax and only $20 if your a PAssion card member! *special Halloween cocktail brew included*

-will upload the pictures up on my picture blog as soon as Jocelyn uploads them from her camera. Stay tuned(:

Xoxo

<3<3

2011-10-20T09:41:00.000+08:00

At homeee right now. Just got back awhile ago. It's about almost 12am? Wtf. So dead tired. Wnt to school as pernormal. Almost done with SOP coursework project. Sometimes it's rather do do things yourself than work in a group ESP if your having 'bochup' group members. Pissing me off at times. There's time for everything you know. Do things at the right time. I wouldn't say anything if u finished your work. But ask yourself how much contribution and commitment you put into this project Sia. Don't Wna comment further la. All this is giving me headache. Then aft that studied for BEO common test. Had fishball noodles for lunch then had common test. Regretted not revising the gantt chart part Sia. Wtf. I could only answer 2 out of 4 ? Ugh. 4marks gone! Hope I still can get an A Sia! Don't Wna be disheartened . Then aft that wnt back home w Jermima and Shamini. Never felt any happier at home! Hahaha that dog was sick so he didnt disturb me tdy. Finally some peace! In that case, can u please be sick forever?? Lol. Got ready and met up with joycelyn at 6.30pm. Had KFC snackers for dinner then we took train to Promenade . First time on circle line. Cool. Just kinda brings back sad memories. I miss Farrer road badly Sia! Then walked to Singapore flyer. Shall post more about it tml. Gotta go off to sleep now, back and leg all aching. Just hanged my clothes too. See I'm so independent! Lol. Confirm I'm gna have problem waking up tml. Dreads. Less than 5 hour of sleep! Thank goodness ive the weekend to myself! :D cnt wait to see my friends tml! About 5 weeks left till we graduate. Starting to really love my clique but sadly we're parting soon /: Kkk uh. I shall log off now. Stay tuned to tmls posting! :B*pictures will be up shortly (:

LIMITS.

2011-10-19T19:20:00.001+08:00

Yaw! It'd almost 7pm, got back awhile ago. Just had dinner. So damn bloody full! Still thinking about ytd's incident . Feel so damn pekchek whenever I recall what actually happened. Aft meeting Ju at IMM, we sat and talked for about 2gours I think till 7+ pm. Then we took shuttle bus tgt. To jurong east. Aft that we separated. I took the train going Pasir ris direction. Got a call frm Aunty Mary, she asked me to go over to BB. Because she wanted to show me the guy she liked. Was bait hesitant but ITE, I said okay. So I got off at bounavista . Waiting for 4th king train then I could enter. Was so bloody packed like sardines! Bloody hell. When I rched bukitbatok , I called her and asked for directions. Like duh, I don't fucking stay there nor go there at all. So she explained me to one time I was still unsure, asked her to repeat and she kept shouting on the phone and told me not to get her irritated. Fucking put off by her reaction. I mean like wtf I did? In my heart was like, confirm Shes tryna show off to the guy she likes. So aft I alighted, I called her Hp again, seems she wnt to shop so her friend came over to bring me to where they were sitting. Saw the guy she liked. Only two guys were there. Didn't feel anything tension as they're old enough to be my father and I knew her friend. Just the first time seeing the guy she liked. He introduced himself as Sam and blabla. So firstfirst he kept talking. Then he asked me to pass him my num as he knows friends from pap side can help me in studies etc and told me not to tell Aunty mary. Then I gave thinking it's so nice of him to be willing to help me even though it's the first day we met. Then he asked me if I drink . I said very occasionally and he kept forcing me to drink even though I said I didn't want to. Then he started asking questions like do u go clubbing? I was like yea I do once jn awhile. To English clubs. And he was like okay, next time we go tgt. He reminded me not to tell Aunty mary about the number thing again.. Thn aft she came back from shop, everything was as normal. Aft that her friend left and it was only just the 3 of us. Aft about an hour, he asked her to go to shop to get somemore beers(for the both of them) and told me to sit and talk to him. Felt really uncomfortable so I told him that I needed to use the toilet urgently too. He kept saying later and stuffs but I just walked away saying it's really urgent. Aft that I was bait hesitant for awhile weather or not to tell Aunty. In the end I did, because she was close to me. Thought she would understand. It's just the fear in me. Phobia.. Then I told her not to he'll him anything. She even swore. So aft we got back, his face was abit grumpy? I kept saying I wanted to go home as it was alr 10pm and it was getting late since tml also I've school. But they keep asking me to stay. Things just got overheated up. I don't knw if she was alr drunk or what man. Got so bloody pissed off. Just told her something. Not bad at all. Since she was talking about deepavali, I told her that the last time I wnt her house was also the last time I ate the beehoon. That one also I kena scolded la. Bloody hell. She was smoking and said, felicia don't make me throw this at your face. I was totally stunned. I said something wrong? Then she told him she was joking ? Wtf. I felt offended. But didn't show. Aft awhile whn he wnt to take a phone call and left for awhile, he asked me to go back(in a fucking rough manner) was stunned ? She told me three times. Then I nvr said anything. Just took my bag and left. So fucking pissed off man! Bloody fuxking hell. Ugh. Took q long bus ride home. Was so freaking cold. Reached home only at 11.30pm . Slept at 12am and today woke up at 6am . So fucking sleepy . Couldn't wake up at all. Forced myself to wake up. Get ready and go to school. Not bad, finishing my projects soon. Hopefully no mre upcoming. Really Wna concentrate on exams which are next month? Got career fair at simei ITE too on nov 4th. Tml actually got common text fr BEO. Should be studying but nothing can go inside my head. So I'm going to take a long sleep now. And wake up early tml mrning to study. Wee! Wish me luck! All last min studying. So many chapters to revise . Hope I can still achieve an A! I'd be the most happiest person man ! :D actually using my phone to blog. Mother and son and outside. Locked myself in the room. Really don't Wna interfere in anything. The more I think of it th more I feel sad Sia. I come back home not even 5min alr that fucking start his nonsense and irritate me. Fucking pekchek. Seriously. I swear I don't know how much longer I can hold on for Sia. Just losing te energy. Aunty has yet to call or msg yet also. Bloody Fcuk. Totally regret going there ytd!!

Pekchek-ness

2011-10-18T07:25:00.001+08:00

It's only about 7.10am now. Lesson starts at 10am . I swear I'm even more dreading to go to school. I should only be waking up at 8.30am but I'm kinda too pissed to sleep. I wnt to popular ytd to get the damn calculator. In the website they stated $24 only but I wnt there it was $27 . Bloody hell. Couldn't they update the bloody website? Thankgoodness I had enough with me. Still had a few dollars left but in the end, I borrowed my remainder $2.30 to Aunty mary. She and her nonsense . Haha wnt to buy BIDI? Ewes I hate that! I didn't try it before but the smell is ewww. Damn heartpain you knw! ESP since I had to use part of my money to get the calculator. Like $9 ? Then that dog I think docent want to pay the $9 . So what now? I've to pay it myself? Like EXCUSE ME, u were the one who too the calculator from my bag without permission and used it. I've no qualms about that, but the fucking calculate was with you only for a bloody day. Ohplease, I think only for two-three hours ? Because u had exam and thn u told me it spoilt? U know how fucking much I feeling like slapping your face? What a fucking joke. I ain't paying. Why should I ! And bloody hell, don't even know how to take any initiative . Always have to be me asking you the money. It's been bloody 2-3 weeks alr uh! Haven't I given you enough time to pay back the money? But did you? U didn't. When u souls your blackshot account, what the fuck did u do with the money? Buy a fcuking soccer ball right! Knn. So why should I be soft hearted? I shouldn't be at all. Because your taking my kindness forgranted. I'm not doing this because I want to . I'm doing this because I have to. It's not my calculator to begin with. It's my friends friend. Bloody ridiculous and irresponsible . Have some bloody dignity la, stupid dog.So yea.. I still can get about 1hour to rest? It shouldn't be much of a bad thing then.. Hahah . Hope my day won't get any worser! Oppps! I shouldn't have said that! Whatever. What more worser can it get? I'm alr damn bloody down and out. -no comments. Brighter part, I got a pair of tickets from OMY again! :D so excited! Because it's the first time I'm like gg for Halloween. But I don't have anything to wear! Maybe I'll just do something with my face lo. Hahah. Anw, it's the Fright Fest @ the Singapore Flyer . Weee! :DD bringing Joycelyn along . Heheh hope it'll be fun ! (:

UNconscious >':

2011-10-17T11:04:00.001+08:00

In class right now. So pissed off stil. Cnt believe that bitch actually threw away my jacket I always wear for school too. Wtf? Throwing away my two iPhone earpiece not enough? Wtf u wan Sia? Wtf u want from me? Agh. Your a damn bloody nutcase. It takes a fucking 1 hour journey to school. Feel so bloody lonely in the train! Sorry sham for waiting long. Was late for 1/2 hour. Felt abit better aft talking to her. Thanks for understanding. Feel so weird wearing this uniform. Going to change to pe shirt and then go meet Aunty. Not attending lessons alr today. Skipping PE as they're swimming and I didn't bring attire. Then PRJ alr do finish the webpage so I don't Wna waste time. I don't want to go home early today too. I shall just slack under her block. That's just about it. Alright, will blog more later. Beee

Indignant. 

2011-10-16T11:00:00.000+08:00

Whole paragraph deleted.------------------------------------I'm sorry. I shouldnt have writing it in the first place. I guess I'm not as evil as that witch. Well, just forget it then. I won't scoop so low like her. Just feel so hurt and betrayed with all the stuffs that happened. Really losing the will to continue living. Feel so damn weak and helpless. Everything is my fault. Even when I didn't do anything. Agh. Fuck my life la. Really wished I was not born. Come out of this world only to suffer. Hate to face the harsh truth of life. One thing I got to accept, is my fucking fate. Why I have this kind of family? I think I'm no better than an orphan. Nothing makes sense. Feel so alone and left out. Is this the end of everything for me? I really really hate you. I cnt believe you were once the women whom I loved and cared for the most. How blind I was! When your sons left you with dad where was I? With you. I didn't leave. I stood by your side. This is what I fucking get? You know what? The mre you show favoritism to that fucking son of yours the more I fucking hate him and you! Why make my life so miserable? Just because I'm older, I've to fucking keep quiet and let him tramp over me? And when I finally raise my hands aft keeping quiet so long, I become to fucking abuser. How u expect me to feel? U know very well how th fuck he is yet u don't do anything about it and even continue siding him. I fucking hate you. You fucking disgust me! You only treat me good when I was working. Now I'm not working you think of me as a fucking burden? How u expect me to feel whn I'm sleeping beside you and there you are telling your friend on the phone we are an unwanted burden you can wait to get rid of us. Then why the fuck give birth for? Where's your fucking conscience. I a fucking human being! I've fucking feelings! You've really gone overboard. I really cannot find it in myself to forgive you anw. The hurt has be caused badly. Don't you feel guilty at all? Are you even fit to be called a human let alone a mother? Your a fucking disgrace. The love I once had for you is gone. I've lost all respect for you. Do whatever fuck u want. Hope your fucking conscience pricks you fucking badly even till the day you die. Live your life well uh!

Thoughts.

2011-10-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

I'm so down and out right now. At my total worst. What more can happen? I'm so fucking immune to it. I feel like as if I'm a damn jinx. Why th fuck was I born on th 13th? Is that why my family is treating me this way? How much more am I going to keep quiet and let you run all over me? How much longer do I have to continue to suffer in silence. What's the real meaning of life? Why does everything seem so dark? I feel like ice only got myself to rely on. Nothing is real in this world. No one believes me. No one is here to protect me. U know I'm being tramped on but no ones says a thing or does anything about it. And I'm here, crying all the time. Tweeting my inner feelings and people out there take it as a fucking joke or I'm some mentally disturbed person. Geez. Maybe I am. So much stuffs in my head. I really need a breather. Why am I always th one whos being labeled as an abuser while he gets away scott free ? He make my life so fucking miserable and when I finally blow up after keeping quiet for so long and start raising my hands, he becomes the innocent one. How does that feel? Where's the fairness in this family? Where'd all the love go to? Why is there so much hatred and sadness in my heart? I feel so emotional. Infact I am.. No body is giving me a chance.. I'm all alone in the big world. Defend-less. When will be th day I stop crying? Maybe thats also the day I never wake up again. I'm lacking in everything. Nothing seems right. God, where are you when I need you? 

TGIF

2011-10-14T11:28:00.003+08:00

Currently in classroom right now. gna end lesson in awhile.Mr Anthony didnt come tdy so we're just doing our own stuffs. pretty much a boring day in school. woke up early but had breakfast at home. then ended up leaving late from house. so ps Sham had to wait till about 8.20+ then only i rched. lol. then wnt into class. aft that had progress test. quite okkay. just the short answer question i was stuck. didint study this topic at all. not bad. mostly is all common sense uh.. so yup. then had something light at Matrix. now left about half an hour. hope the teacher can release us like now. im still very much considering if i wna go meet aunty Mary . aghhh. i know she wont let me leave early thats why. i wna go home watch tv and then sleeeeeeep all day till tml man! hmm. lets see how it goes. ciao~

BRB.

2011-10-13T11:33:00.003+08:00

ITZ th 13th once again. speechless..

just got back home aft a long day. its alr 9.40pm ? shall go take a bath aft this post and go to sleep. im just so exhausted and aching everywhere! wnt to schl so early today. its like been so long since i left early from home..so yea,then had some photo taking w the section head. our class somehow was the best dress among so many classes. *surprising* then blabla. lunch was the same thing. then aft lunch, there was no teacher in the class so we sneaked out for awhile to go to Lot 1 to see some stuff. wnt back to school around 3.30 then they released us at 3.40+ -.- waste my bus fare only siaaaa. then took bus to jermimas condo.wnt to see the venue for the event and stuffs at the swimming pool area then wnt up to her house to do the invitation card thingy. printed,folded and wrote the people's name. only left her hse around 8.40? waiting for the bus was alr so slow sia. agh. if not i would have reached home earlier. anyways, my clothes parcel has arrived. one word, DISAPPOINTED.

O.0

2011-10-12T09:29:00.009+08:00

In class right now. everything seems so damn bloody blur. its because i didnt wear contacts to school tdy also. dont really wna make it a habit. because everymorning im so damn bloody tired that i keep rubbing my eyes, it ends up being red thats why i cnt put on my lenses. at least its gonna be better for me. shall strt using my black oversizedlenses maybe on nov. then will also be expecting my other 4 lenses before chirstmas. also gna start finding for a job next month. saw the camera which i really like ytd at courts! its $449. Daddy says hes gna get em for me on December. but i think i might as well use my own money to buy since i would have started work alr. we've finally finished our Prj group project. will be submitting it to Mr Anthony tml. thats just about it. nothing much. im suddenly craving for BanMian more man ! whooooo! kkaybye.

~_~ MoshiMoshi ~_~

2011-10-11T09:21:00.007+08:00

At home now. woke up at 8+ . wanted to get ready for schl then it starting pouring heavily. kept sneezing and sneezing all the way. suddenly became so damn restless then wnt back to sleep again for awhile. travis came back then i asked him to go down get chicken porridge for me. aft that watch Ojakgyo Brothers for awhile then went to get ready. took train till somerset then wnt in to new look and waited for joycelyn. aft that we had our lunch at longjohn and continued walking around. first time gg into H&M. so damn bloody big! then wnt in Zara, Forever 21, TopShop, Mango, Pull and Bear and more. aft that went to ION orchard tosee perfume then to Cathay Cineleisure . wnt to Beadstreet to get my earrings and nosestud. regret buying only two nosestuds lei! ahahah. should hv stocked up more man! aft that, legs were so tired that it was gona break any moment so we sat at burger king for awhile. took bus home and only rched home at around 7.30pm. mum came back home soon after w many plastic bags from NTUC. travis has no schl tml and thurs so confrim all the food will be gone by the time i rch home!! Im so exhausted aft a long day. cnt wait to jump into bed. shall go take a cold quick shower now. tml needa go to schl alr. shall stop making it a habit everytime skipping school. agh. i really needa change ! exams comming! all the best to meh! <;

RememberMe(Y)

2011-10-10T10:31:00.008+08:00

In class now. having lifeskills. next period is PE. actually scheduled for swimming. but i think its gna be cancled this week since its raining. good still, since i didnt bring my swimwear. i find it so damn mafan lei.. as still need to dry hair and bathe again in school. waste time. somemore, wait later i get dark. i prefer jurong east sc better !:DD right now, im really bored. nothing to do so im here blogging. waiting for my group to start the presentation. thats just all. planning to go to lot1 later during lunch break. since its 2 hours. damn craving for Long John. *hopefully* hehehe. hungry !! brb, i wna go do smth alr. shall watch another korean drama to past time (:

Huggss

2011-10-09T17:42:00.001+08:00

20 more days to mum's birthday. yet i still dk what to get for her! omg. any suggestions ? Apart from that, there's been certain stuffs which has got me really thinking alot.. I really wonder If I still have a place in your heart. I kind of miss you. But, I don't know.. I really cnt bring myself to talk to you first. Been waiting for you to msg me for quite awhile. When are you going to ? I'm scared of losing you. On the other hand, I'm scared that you'll hate me and stop loving me. Please give me some more time . I'm not ready yet.. Give us another chance will you? Till this day, I'm still hoping you are reading my blog. I really wonder, are you? Not gonna give up hope.. Huggs.

XOXO

2011-10-08T16:56:00.005+08:00

Back for a new posting! spent almost half my day sleeping. now im all so freshened up. all the tv programs are kinda boring so i decided to use comp. was watching the last few episodes of The Princess Man. i swear its one of the best Korean drama's ive ever watched! i totally love the story line! so many times ive been crying over the drama. i dont think i'll ever forget this drama in my whole lifetime. if your thinking of watching some Korean traditional romance/revenge thingy, this drama is just the thing for you! Rated 10/10 ! definitely not to be missed ya ? haha. gonna continue to past time now so shall watch another drama. mum just cooked mutton curry. all the meat is stuck at my teeth! its kinda tough. but nvm, its been so long since mum last cooked it. shall appreciate !(: think she will cook macaroni tml. yay! now im always forever looking forward to weekends. heeh. shall also start revising on my BEO. like i said, im aiming for another A :B last common test is on wednesday. k, GAMBATTE!~

Annyeong! 

2011-10-07T15:05:00.006+08:00

Yay. Finally it's Friday! Weekends are here! Hee. Just got back from school awhile ago. Lessons ended at 12 then took train back w Jermima as usual. Bought food from provision shop to cook but Didn't knw Travis also cooked . So I don't think I'm gna cook. Can use it for another day. Need to hang the clothes before mummy comes back. Sians. It's such a nice weather. I think I'm gna go take a nap now. Just bored. Hahah. Ytd as soon as I got back home wnt to sleep around 6pm? Till today morning 6.30am to get ready for school. Damn shiok! It's been awhile since I last slept this long! Also didn't wear contact lens to Schl for the past 4 days alr. Think I need to change my lenses. Means no more three tone grey but black oversized lenses. Ordering another 4 pair but will only get it in December. Blame it on th stupid customs. Hopefully aft I finish th other 4 pairs I would have saved enuf $$ for LASIK. Good thing each lenses can last 6-12 months. And somemore it's cheap! Just hope it doesn't spoil my eyes/: k, I'm tweeting through iPhone now. Shall stop and continue w my work. It's awesome that tml is Sat , can wake up late! :D lostmy nosestud so I might need to make a trip dwn to Cineleisure tml. Anyone free? Do msg me yea? Bye peeps, will update more tml! (:

TGIH <3

2011-10-06T17:13:00.004+08:00

Its slightly aft 5pm now. just got back home. Was released from Schl at 4pm then took bus tgt w Jermima . Super exhausted and also pissed I shall say. Was actually supposed to go to Vivo but Jaslin had some cca meeting and stuffs. What? We need to wait for her for an hour? It's like the train ride would also be an hour! So I think she got angry and totally ignored what I was talking. Even to the extend of walking away. I'm so damn bloody annoyed pls. I know I shouldn't feel that way. Because I knew her character from the start ever since i joined ITE 10months back. I should actually be more immune to it. Dk uh! Pekchek siaaaa. whatever uh. Not gna bother abt what she's gna gossip. Just another 2 more months to endure this course. The ppl I meet in ITE are all fcuked up except for afew. So yea. Gna take a nap soon. Eyes really painful. Haven't been wearing contact lens for 3 days alr! Everything is like so blur to me eh.. Yea.. Mum is coming back soon too. Shall go to sleep efore she comes back and totally spoils my mood. So sickening Sia she. Bloody arrogant. If you Wna be like this then I'll also will! Went out w yiyang ytd to Queensway. Finally had secret recipe aft a long time! Chicken Cordon Bleu! So yummy! My all time fav! And also net forgetting the EGG TARTS at the basement of AnchorPoint! *melts* . Finally it's not a disappointment ! It's been ages since they last had eggtarts. I don't usually eat eggtarts but it's a different case for these ones at AnchorPoint ! To me they're to die for! Hahaha. Aft that xiuping came to join us at Queensway . Both of em had curry chic . I only rched home around 9.30pm . Maybe that was why mum was angry. Sickening Sia. I end Schl only at 5pm lei! By the time rch Queensway is alr 6pm Sia. And also it's not always I go out aft Schl. Just stop being so unreasonable. Nt stand it when u should your attitude. What, u have then I don't have ah? U wna show attitude I also can show Sia. Irritating pe. So anw, it's gna rain soon. I shall enjoy my nap now. Hopefully I can wake up around 11pm for my taiwan drama at channel 5 <3 I kinda like melodramas! ESP 爱!

Lazy Wednesdayyy

2011-10-05T13:43:00.013+08:00

Currently in school right nw. having Basic Personal Finance . kinda boring. she actually told us our POA marks. cnt believe i got 80 ! yet another A! heeee. this is only common test. i hope i can do even more better during exams! hehehe. gotta study harder now for BEO common test next week. anw, i chanced upon a camera which i kindaaaa fell for love at first sight!~ omg! i so wna get that camera! gna ask dad to get for me ! hehehehe. i loveeeeeee pink cameras ! woots! ending schl at 5pm. so tired. shall go back to sleep as soon as im done here. hoping Mrs Lam will let us all off early. her voice is really making me feel so damn sleep. grrrr. shall go back to watching The Princess Man now. super duper love that drama. one of my all time favourites ! :DD

Sawadeekaaaa 

2011-10-04T18:57:00.006+08:00

Been home all the way. Didn't go to schl tdy. It was raining heavily in the morning and I could hardly get out of bed. So I actually wnt back to sleep aft mum left for work. Lmao. Woke up aft awhile as Travis cme back home aft exam. K. So yea. Watched tv all the way. Shall start to revise on my BEO nao. 我很累。明天还要去上学。aghhhhh. So anw, classmates are back from china. Wished I have could gone there Sia! nvm. Shall work harder and go there next year. Gna go cook dinner now. Waiting for it to finish. Meanwhile , brb. Mums home. And she found out I didn't go to schl. All thanks to that Travis brandford junior -.- hmmph.

Tired

2011-10-03T15:07:00.005+08:00

in school now, Back in hell !!.and im yawning my life away. not doing anything! wna go home but .... aghhh. wtf are we here for in class now anw ? its like i think im gna sleep any longer sia ! tsk. its alr 3+ now. thinkim gna leave for home soon. cnt take the tiredness . my eyes really gonna close soon. today first few lessons were like okok did nothing much. its just a waste of time man! tml go beo mock test for prepare us for next weeks common test. then we're also just left w 8 more weeks. then its exams and finally its over. i dont have to see some idiotic people's faces. hellyea! gna go for a SB now. can fall flat sia ! bloody hell. i need some kind of motivation here like hellooooo! tsk. kk, thankfully tml school starts at 10am. so i shall go back home, sleep and wake up at 10pm watch my taiwan drama till 12 then go back to sleep again. k, good idea. bye!

Sianss

2011-10-02T15:04:00.001+08:00

sians. tml school starting alr. totally not prepared. have to get over in and change my body clock. wonder if i can even wake up anot tml. its like for the past two weeks ive only been waking up in the afternoon. agh.so i purposly woke up even later today. and just nice the comp man came when i woke up -.- aft that i wnt back to sleep again and woke up again when he left. he installed microsoft word for us ! :D then mummmy was also testing the new camera from her workplace. its a totally different kind. i really dont know how to explain. today she was off so i couldnt watch my dramas.all the english shows also like shitz. lol. then aft that mum cooked and i just its alr 10+ so i'd better go and sleep now before wait tml cnt wake up. byeee!

Boo!~

2011-10-01T15:00:00.003+08:00

I have to admit, i wan a baby so freaking bad! haha. but im still so young so thats not an option. giving myself
another 10 years to make a name for myself. awww. but babys are cute arent they ?? :P

Finally its October. can say goodbye to September alr. wish that November will visit us sooner. cnt wait for december to come though! slept late and woke up late tdy. then watched tong xin nian and aft that got ready. left house at 6pm . wnt for a haircut at the mrt station there. only $3.90 lei! lol. then aft that took bus over to vivo to meet joycelyn. wnt over to Pasir panjang there for dinner and that her mum came and join us. we bought quite alot of food! heeeh. so long! so niceeee! thats aunty for the treat ! heeeh . took bus 33 back home then just in time for incredible tales. mum was also just preparing to go out clubbing. school is starting soooon !! )):

TGIF nottttt ! >.<"

2011-09-30T14:58:00.003+08:00

Its the last day of October. and ive mixed emotions! 2more mnths to grad from ite ! (Y) gna put in my utmost best ! hehe

Its alr friday. omg. holidays ending soon. and guess what, ive not been studying at all! shall really buck up on my studies. so damn ermmmm. just cnt wait to end this course. sickening sia. anw, whole day i was at home. woke up around 3? totally wasted almost half a day. thenw watched X-factor for awhile aft that mum came back early. she bought mac ! :DD

Believeee

2011-09-29T14:53:00.006+08:00

Stayed at home the whole afternoon. woke up late anw. so aft that got ready around 4+ and took train to cck. met up w glen then wnt up to cousin's house for awhile. been ages since i last went there! still the same! glad i met all four of em. then aft that walked to avenue 5 to meet aunty mary w glen. not fair can! she bought 6 cans of beer. and i didnt have a share of em. pffft. and i was sitting in the middle of both of them who kept smoking. so irritating. keep smelling the smoke. like wtf. was there till almost 11pm then took bus to the mrt station there. wnt in cheers to say hi to aunty Joan. then got last train back. every one was alr sleeping. feel so blessed today! because before today i really didnt knw how you felt about me. seriously i had no idea. its a really good feeling though. yawns. damn tired now. shall go to sleep alr ! ((:

long nightt ):

2011-09-28T00:26:00.001+08:00

Hi there. Feeling so lonely now. Hmmmzz it's alr 12am. Happy 17th birthday joycelyn! Almost 5 years of friendship and still counting! It's raining heavily . And I'm all alone. So colddddd. Sadmuch, at times like these, I really wish that there was that special someone beside me and all cuddled up. See la. I'm thinking alot. That's that only thing I can do. My mind cnt stop thinking. Wahhh. Am I really such a loner? There used to be so many midnight calls. But now,? None )): cnt even sleep as I'm not sleepy. No nice shows too! Gosh! What a life man! Pffft /:

Helloooo

2011-09-27T12:53:00.001+08:00

Heyyy. Sorry for the late blogging. Been kinda lazy these past few days. Wnt to grannys house as well as queensway ytd. Then I'm gna go to cck to meet up w Aunty later. Supposed to go to GH but she's feeling kinda scared as he might her to do surgery. Hope she will be better. So hungry ! So I'm gna go and make a few sausages and eat em w bread first. These past few days ive been eating rather late. Good ? Lol! Kk, better go off now. Triple nine gonna start soon! (:

hnmmm

2011-09-26T13:04:00.000+08:00

Im not going to be that rebound girl, the girl you just come to when you want her, the girl who loves you with everything she has but yet you give nothing. Im not willing to be that girl anymore. Sorry, but Im gone. And I have come to realize that you just a guy, a special one maybe, but your not mine. And I dont need to do things to make you love me. If you wanted to you would. It was all just a wishful thinking of my part. I'm gonna give up on you. It's no use. I feel so vexed! Spare me the agony will you ? Wo zhen de hen lei! )):

Booooo (Y)

2011-09-25T13:13:00.000+08:00

Sians. Couldn't get enuf sleep cos of mums snore. Cnt really blame her that much though. She must have been really tired. Hmm. Apart from working a office job 5days a week she still goes back to shell during the weekends to help out as lack of staffs. For the past three weeks she has been working like all the way. Should do my part too. Like siannnnn man. Brrr. K lah that's about it. Gonna go off now. Bye.

jammed

2011-09-23T18:01:00.001+08:00

Okkay. It's alr 6pm. Just cooked finish. Kinda burned my hand. Still feeling the pain right now. Agh. Gna go and take a quick shower and watch the X factor. It's so damn boring staying at home. Do nothing but eating shitting and watching tv. Thought of going to visit th gym but no one to pei me so ... Zzzz I hate going alone. ESP since there always got alot of guys. Like errrrrrrr..... Mmm. Shall go off now. Mums coming back any moment and I'm not done w houseworks too yet. Byeeeeee~

Nutcase.

2011-09-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

Need a breather . Do u despise me just because I'm not working ? I mean like comeon! Ive been juggling work and studies since th legal age of 14! I just want to concentrate on my studies now. I wna score well and focus properly. Is it just so hard for you to ting liang me ? Almost everyday I'm starting at 8am and ending school at 5pm. I wake up at 6 in the morning, leave home at 7 and be in school at 8am. Then I only end at 5pm and only reach home at 6pm! Alr very tired u know. So many projects and assignments. I cnt put my mind into it properly. Your not giving me a chance to prove myself youknow. I'm not gonna be like you. You only care about your future. Fuckcare it. I don't give a damn. Let mr enjoy the non working life and just be a fulltime student this year. Just 3 more months!! I've not been working since July only. It's just been a few months! I'm going to start full time work next year and take up private ite at night anw. So give me a break. Don't act like as if you care when u don't. It drives me nuts. Come back home and start shouting at ppl for no reason. Make me rill so moodsoff. Aghz

AWKWARD

2011-09-20T00:39:00.000+08:00

Finally mastered up th courage to call dad tdy. Was kinda awkward but everything was fine. It did seemed a lil tensed up but at least there were some kind of communications between us. No, like I said. I wasn't angry . Just that .. Aiyah I don't wna mention. Just know that I'm feeling much better now and yea.. Was supposed to go picnic tdy but it ended up raining heavily. Then 'she' kept changing places till I was so pekchek that I just stayed at home. Sialla. I changed and everything alr Sia. Like wtf only. Know your mouth of your u got say something about me but seriously I don't wna give a damn. Just 2 more months. Cnt wait to end this course ((: may god bless me that I do well in my mock test, commonest, exams and projects ! (Y)

flustered

2011-09-19T18:53:00.001+08:00

I feel like as though my energy level is getting lower and lower. Theres just no where i can release my anger. Planning to get a real vadoo doll. Trying to control my thoughts and anger but so many obstacles in my way. I really need to find my inner peace. The more I tell myself to let go of this hatred within me, the more tensed up I feel. People aren't giving me any chance to let loose. Gosh. I just feel so flustered. What am I to do? I really hate this life in living. Of all family, why must I be born in this family? I'm cracking up soon! No one understands my pain! No one believe me. Everyone takes my words forgranted. Can I just end it all? I have no idea how Long I can hold on for.. I'm losing it all, losing everything. I'm trying to keep cool. God, please give me the strength. I'm alr tying as hard as I can.. I need motivation ));

pressurized.

2011-09-18T20:20:00.001+08:00

So irritated w dad. It's like. Stop giving my additional pressure can anot? Fucking hell. To think that you mentioned mums bloodline all damn cold and so are her offsprings. Felt so offended by that message. Seems like u really dont understand me! The more I think of it the more piss I am. Not like as though your so perfect! If u didn't do wrong last time our family would be broken! Damn pekchek. All u knw how to do is talk about how miserable your life is. What am I supposed to do? Sit down and hear your bullshits? I've got better things to do la okay! Agh! Leave my live alone!

indignant.

2011-09-17T23:18:00.001+08:00

Wtf. I'm not in any mood to take up anyone's call can anot? I just need some fucking time alone and some bloody peace! What's the point of talking to you? Your only going to tell me tolerate and be strong. I'm just so sick and tired of your words. How much longer must I tolerate ? Till the day I explode and kill myself? U don't understand me at all! No one does. That's why I keep things to myself. Because this world is so fucked up. So stop saying u care for me. I don't need you to be an additional fucking burden to my life because my life is as pathetic as it is alr. Cnt u people just give me a break? Fml la seriously. Fuck this family. I really wish I can break free from everyone and everything !! I see no point in living uh. Bloody fuckedup. Frm ytd mum showing my face . Like everything my fault uh. That fucker acts so innocent when mum is around and like a devil when she's out. Knn. I don't knw why I must even be in this situation. Didn't eat lunch and dinner because that fucker kicked my food which I was holding in my plastic bag and the curry burst out, scattered everywhere, on my iPhone, pants, wall, floor and even sofa! Was totally speechless I swear. Spent $5 for fuck? Should hv made him licked th floor. Agh. Thn mum cme back slamming here and there.. Aft that she locked my outside the room w that fucker also outside. Then I like took an hour to scrub off all the walls. The stains are still there but it's better aft I rub em. Then washed th clothes and watch tv. Suddenly fell asleep in the sofa and in the morning I woke up in the room. I don't knw how I got there like seriously. Then stayed in the room most of the time today. Sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. Never watched tv. Just sleep and sleep and sleep. The more I think , the more mum likes to take sides w her youngest son . So what if I'm older 4 years older? Means everything my fault? What? Must I install a fucking CCTV in the house then only I can prove my innocence ? Don't make me do that . Seriously getting on my nerves. I really wonder sometimes If your really my birth mother. Id rather u gave me away when I was young. Maybe I would have been much better off. Gave birth to 3 children alr then say regret giving birth to us. Like fucked up only. Everything our fault la okay! What a total fucked up family I hve. Seriously, I don't wna go on anymore. Feeling so damn pekchek just thinking of this. Feel so indignant . One day I know this will change.. And that's when I finally leave this place. Counting down....

heartbroken

2011-09-16T18:00:00.001+08:00

I never felt this sad before. Why is my life like this? God, why is my life so miserable? I don't wna live anymore! This is torture! I'm just sick and tired of crying! Why am I always the only one shedding tears in this family? Do I look like such a pushover? Just because I always keep quiet u think u can step all over me? I'm so tired of this pathetic life. I feel like just ending it. I want to move out but where can I go? Who have I got? Ive got no one. Can I really support myself? Should I just end my life to make things easier? So many things in my mind. I'm so upset to continue. Idk what mum is gonna say when she comes back. I don't understand why I even bother about what people think. I cnt always keep giving in! People always take forgranted of these! Let me think through properly before I make a decision.

Jhonny English Back in Action! :DD

2011-09-15T15:17:00.011+08:00

Hello Everyone ! :DD

Heres a little shoutout to all the "Mr Bean" fans!

Why are you so Cutee??? awww~

I was given a chance to attend the Premere Screening of Johnny English Reborn with Joycelyn at The Cathay yesterday(14th September2011).

And it's all in courtesy of OMY !
A VERY BIG THANK YOU for giving me the opportunity to watch such a great movie ! :DD

I wna touch this cuteee bearddd, can??! ;DD

So, do you remember who Rowan Atkinson is? I guess not everyone does, but you might actually be more familiar in his role as "Mr. Bean" than in this movie as "Johnny English". Both are still as hilarious though. You'll be in for a great laugh during throughout the 102mins movie!

Pinches Ear!! <3<3

The whole script was directed by Oliver Parker.
+ the fliming took place in Hongkong, Macau and London!

Rowan Atkiston, Gillian Anderson, Doninic West & Rosamund Pike !

Synopsis:
movie goes on like this. Johnny English was commissioned to head back to his previous employment -as a secret agent. He had to stop a group of international assassins, about to kill a global leader & bring about mass destruction! So, on the hunt he goes, & uncovered many secrets along the way. Joycelyn & I laughed from start to finish, so I'd say it's definatelyworth watching~

It Opens in cinema's today!
Do not miss out on the hilarious action-pack movie ! ^^

2011-09-14T09:06:00.011+08:00

Happy Birthday Ruben !
You know i miss you so much ! (Y)

In school right now. agh, if it wasnt for the attendance i think i wouldnt even want to come !/; the rain was damn shiok. wished i could sleep longer. but, i still managed to get myself out of bed and get ready for school. took too much time to get ready tdy. in the end left house late . lol! thought i was going to go to school alone but end up shamini was also late. yay! thankgod we were only late for 1/2 hour. anyway, there's grace period so i guess its alright ? not always a habit though. wore my white hello kitty shoes tdy instead of the black shoe which im supposed to wear. hopefully i dont get caught for it ;P but maybe even if i do i think i would just say that it was raining and my shoe got wet. hah, having PRJ lesson now and my stomach keeps grumbing. kinda hungry but i wna finish up the work first before going for early break. just two more days to my 2weeks holidays and im really looking forward to it! but, i i somehow cnt find a two week job/; so i think i'll be stuck at home. will make an effort to go gym by myself though since its so nearby to my house. im having terrible body ache nw. wished i had salonpas :S cnt wait to end school at 5pm! going for the Jhonny English premiere screenings! thanks OMY for the chance! will blog about it as soon as possible! im so super damn excited man! heehe. brought extra clothes to change after school then will meet joycelyn. hopefully she knows the place as im totally clueless i think. heeh. yayyyyyyy!~ :DD

Commontestttt

2011-09-13T08:52:00.003+08:00

Back from school ! :DD its always awesome when im around w great people. they make my day so much ! manymany thanks to my darlings ! (Y) tdy was the last day i could go to schl tgt w joycelyn since she's starting her attachment soon. somehow, i managed to get myself up early and got ready. hah, actually its because today lesson starts at 10am and not 8am like the other days. uhhahh. so thats the reason. will miss her seriously ! but, at least we stay near each other. 4years ++ and still counting bby ! then met up w shamini at KH and walked to school tgt. her neice is finally born and she was telling me her sisters birth story. wahhh. im not sure aft that i still wna give birth anot sia. lmao. then we wnt in to school and to the dance studio. We had a class event organized by one group from my class , freelunch and many kuehhhh + games!! :DD. makes me wonder what my group should do/; still considering. damn! then we wnt to the library to study for POA. had our common test and i swear i felt like a goner ! )): couldnt do some questions. but im really hoping for at least a B if its not A. please dont give me a damn C ! /; then we had PRJ and then wnt home tgt w jermima. finally mum cooked. missed ikan belis !

-EDITED
if you really thought i would give a damn, then of girl your so wrong. i might have used to. but now, everythings different. im of course hurt by your comments. i know i was in the wrong. but did you have to really say those stuffs ? im not gonna bother trying to save this friendship. i see it effortless. whats the point. i cnt believe our friendship is on the rocks though. your the last person i ever wanted to part w . but seriously, i cnt believe u let a small misunderstanding between us happen. i thought you understood me, i guess im wrong. are we really just gna let our almost 5 years of friendship ruin itself ? up to you la okay up to you. no comments ):

Monday Bluez

2011-09-12T10:15:00.003+08:00

Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it-don't cheat with it.

Its a monday! but im still at home using comp. so boreddd. supposed to be in school but im kinda lazy eh. idk why these past few days i keep feeling so damn tired and weak. always wanted to sleep sleep and sleep! even after i wake up from my sleep also i still feel so damn sleepy. whats going on w me sia! one thing's for sure, i know im feeling alot of pressure recently. i dont knw what i must say. but i knw everything seems like my fault. i swear it wasnt intentional. i never meant to hurt you from the start. i just up to now still dont knw what my feelings are. im just so afraid. one part of me is afraid of losing you but the other part is telling me to let go.. what should i do ?god please help me ! im at total lost!

might be going to school later at 1pm. still not confirmed yet. i just feel so lazy and out of sorts. POA common test is just tml and ive not been studying. idk why im just not in the mood. the more i study the more i forget. but i know for sure i wont be as lucky like my BPF test. that was at least i had to study 2 chapters only but POA there's 5 chapter. gosh, im such a goner )): god , please help me /;

EDITED:

In the very end, didnt go to school. lol! was at home all the way. cooked lunch and dinner for myself then waited for mum to come back. it was her first day of work. glad tht it was alright. Mr Boh damn funny sia. lmao! but he's so nice! :DD then aft that, met joycelyn in the taxi around 8++ . cabed to Holland to meet Yiyang, Diyanah and Karen. played w candles. i know its supposed to be lantern festival but there were no lanterns in sight so we just played w candles. played till around 11+pm then took a bus back home. wnt to sleep around 12+ thank goodness tml starting school at 10am if not i dont think i can wake im time ;P

Bloody Sunday

2011-09-11T10:22:00.004+08:00

For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing situations. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.it makes me feel free. I just do what I want, say what I want, say how I feel, and I don't try to hurt nobody. I just try to make sure that I don't compromise my art in any kind of way, and I think people should respect that. i know at times things gets out of hand and we end up hurting each other with words which we dont mean. I totally regret those times. thts why im reflecting on myself. i dont want the same mistakes to happen again.I know i have made terrible mistakes that have hurt the people that I cared about the most, and I am terribly sorry. I am deeply ashamed of my terrible judgment and my actions. but everyone deserves chances. I've been immersed in it too long. My spirit is wobbly and my mind is confused. The hurt has become too great. and The worst thing about that kind of prejudice... is that while you feel hurt and angry and all the rest of it, it feeds you self-doubt. You start thinking, perhaps I am not good enough. yea. thats what i've always been thinking, that im good enough and never will be. thats why sometimes i ask myself, what mad me this way. what did i do wrong to be going through this part of my life which i dont even want to.. but, The truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to. i guess this is just my fate. theres no turning back for me .. still, I feel ashamed for what I had done. I don't have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn't pawn this off on anybody. I'm sorry it happened. My life just sucks !

Unhealed

2011-09-10T10:34:00.005+08:00

Congrats to Shamini's sister for the delivery of a Baby Girl :DD awwwww~

But now, i just feel so damn sucky. minds in a whirl. cant stop thinking... Sometimes I wish that there were a way to let people know that just because I live in a world without rules, and in a life that is lawless, doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt so bad the morning after.But when I lose my temper, I find it difficult to forgive myself. I feel I've failed. I can be calm in a crisis, in the face of death or things that hurt badly. I don't get hysterical, which may be masochistic of me. Maybe I'll learn how, but the only thing I can do is turn down parts that would hurt my conscience. which of course lies deep within..but you know what ? Im not going to stress over you anymore. It isnt worth it. I tried to work something out but you just ignored it. Im not trying to say I dont want you, because I definitely do. All Im saying is Im done chasing after you. im so sick and tired of always being the one trying and trying. i just feel so weak, do u knw what ? what have you done to my life? what have you done !

Orphanage

2011-09-09T10:46:00.002+08:00

Just got back home. what a long day tdy! wnt to school in the morning. Our class aft that boarded the bus and wnt to Chen Su Lan children's home where we did our CIP. didnt really like that place. the kids there esp the boys were so rowdy. our mouths were wide open when one small fry like about pri 1 or 2 suddenly scolded one of my classmate "fuck your mother" gosh! i swear if it were my child i would have slapped him. shamini was actually my group partner but ite she didnt come so i was all alone. then wnt up to be w the girls. joined the drawing team last min and also danced abit. was so funneh! heeh. lol! we left that place around 12.30 then took bus to AMK hub. Mrs Rosalyn Tong treated 9 of us including herself to Koi (Y) much love ! thanks teacher :DD then we had our lunch at Macdonalds. aft that i met up w ananthiy in the bus and wnt to her house. i swear it was a regretted action. her father and her kept arguing. and he like didnt even bother acknowledging me sia. bloody hell. used her laptop for awhile then we took bus back around 5+ i wnt back home while she wnt to work. meeting her tml for some briefing . well, gotta go now. bye ((: